


Surrender

by EnglishPoet18



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:37:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2075277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglishPoet18/pseuds/EnglishPoet18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rickyl oneshot set between seasons 2 and 3 after the fall of the farm when the group is on the move for a safer location. Daryl makes a risky move that plagues at Rick. I own nothing from The Walking Dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_**"It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated...it is finished when it surrenders." -Ben Stein** _

_**"True love is friendship set on fire." -Anonymous** _

...

There is a distinct difference between being lost and not having anywhere to go to. Daryl Dixon had experience both of these feelings throughout his life.

He remembered bits and pieces of a time he had gotten lost in the woods when he was probably somewhere around the age of five or six. He didn't remember much about wandering around in the woods all by himself, but he did remember that Merle and his father had been on this trip with him. He thought that it might have been a hunting trip, but he wasn't too sure. He knew he had wandered around lost for quite some time before Merle had found him. He remembered that part clearly for the simple fact that it had been Merle who had ultimately come looking for him. He had followed Merle back to camp only to find that his own father hadn't even bothered to seek him out. He remembered that big strong hand clamping onto his puny shoulder and the whiskey filled voice, _"Should have left him there Merle. Do the boy some good to be lost for a bit...Make him into a man instead of all these fruitcakes that run around here nowadays."_ Merle and his father had shared a laugh, making some joke about gay men that Daryl hadn't quite understood at the time, but had bothered him all the same.

It was memories like that that stuck with Daryl, those words that would haunt him for years to come. It wasn't even the worst thing his father had ever done, but it was the one memory that never seemed to fade over time. It was the one that would surface in his mind the first time he ever looked at a guy in any other way than friendship.

It was in his senior year of high school that Daryl found himself paired with a guy in his class for a science project. Nothing even happened between the two of them. Daryl just remembered the feelings that had washed over him when their hands had brushed and how badly it had scared yet excited him. He was filled with a sense of relief that perhaps nothing was wrong with him after all. All of those times that Merle had pushed different girls at him, trying to "make him a man" had only succeeded in making him even more confused as to why he didn't desire them. Once he discovered that he was attracted to men, he grew scared that others would look at him and automatically _know_. That fear kept him from forming any sort of relationship beyond the boundary of friendship.

Then there was Rick. Daryl had hated the man and all that he stood for upon their initial meeting. Dixon's had never been friendly with cops, least of all a sheriff. Over time he had gotten to know Rick a little better, but not because Daryl sought him out. For some reason Rick had begun seeking Daryl out. He would start talking to him and Daryl would just sit quietly letting the man's words wash over him. He sensed that Rick had a lot to get off of his chest and he was right. Rick was stressed about his pregnant wife Lori, his son Carl, finding food, and ultimately keeping their group safe. As the months passed, Rick came to him more and more, but it wasn't always just to spout off at whatever was eating at him. He began asking Daryl how he was doing too as well as asking his opinion on different matters. At first Daryl thought he was just taking pity on him and it made him pissed off, but Rick really seemed to be interested in what he had to say. He hadn't ever had that before.

So when the farm and several members of their group had went down in a blaze full of walkers, Daryl found himself slipping into the role of Rick's second in command. It was a comfortable position for him and one he didn't mind being in. It allowed him to be closer to Rick and to keep an eye on him at the same time. It was no surprise to anyone how close the pair of them had gotten just in the course of several months.

Their group was tired, bordering on exhaustion as they surged onward, seeking out a safe place of refuge. The amount of walkers they encountered seemed like and endless wave of death. It rushed at them so quickly that they barely had time to jump over the crest before another was approaching. It was because of this that Daryl hadn't had the chance to hunt and the reason that they were slowly starving. He could see the look of hunger over every one of their faces that echoed the constant look of worry on Rick's.

They traveled by foot mainly because it was quicker than trying to locate a vehicle with enough gas to take them anywhere combined with the fact that the roads were littered with abandoned vehicles. Somewhere around late afternoon they entered a small town, no more than a single strip of businesses, but enough that they were hopeful they might find food. Everyone was irritable, but despite it all they were pushing forward.

"What do you call a cow with no legs?" Glen asked suddenly.

Daryl shot him an incredulous look, but remained quiet as his eyes scanned the small town they were quickly approaching. A long silence followed and Daryl began to feel bad that no one was answering the guy when Hershel finally spoke up.

"What?" Hershel asked.

"Ground beef," Glen deadpanned.

Daryl paused and he saw Rick's eyebrows crease as if he had just tuned into the conversation. Then Hershel began to chuckle, softly at first and then a bit louder, his belly shaking with mirth. Several members of the group smiled, including Daryl himself and Carl even let out a giggle that had Rick's eyes softening a bit.

"That was about the best damn cow joke I've heard son," Hershel remarked with a light slap to Glen's back, making the younger man flush.

The others all murmured their agreement and Daryl found himself stepping into place beside Rick as they stopped underneath several trees to survey the town before them.

"What do you think?" Rick asked quietly, sliding his eyes in Daryl's direction.

"Worth taking a look. Might be some food and other supplies we could use."

Rick nodded, "I agree. I'll go and take a look, check things out."

Daryl frowned, "By yourself? Who's gonna watch your back? That's crazy. I'm comin' with you."

"Someone has to stay with them," Rick glanced back at the others who were resting against an old truck, leaning against one another for comfort. "You and I are the strongest here right now," Rick spoke in a low voice.

"Exactly. All the more reason you shouldn't go alone in case somethin' happens. You got a wife an' kid to think about. Besides, we go together we can move faster. T-Dog's still pretty good and Maggie ain't too bad with a gun."

Rick eyed him for several more moments and then shook his head in defeat, "You always get your way?"

"Ya know I'm right," Daryl replied.

Rick sighed and then reluctantly nodded, "Alright. Let's go share the plan."

They headed back to the group and discussed their next course of action. The bulk of the group would remain by the truck under the shade of the trees. T-Dog, Glenn, Maggie, and Carol were to be given the strongest weapons. They would keep an eye out for any walkers and T-Dog would signal with a low whistle if any were spotted.

"We'll be back as soon as possible. Shouldn't take long," Rick commented before they headed off.

The two of them crossed the street and edged their way along the buildings, taking out a couple of stragglers that wandered in their direction. Daryl kept his bow aimed and ready while Rick gripped a small hatchet as he peered through dusty windows looking for a sign of food.

"Maybe we should split up. You take that side of the street and I'll take this side. Cover more ground that way...something doesn't feel right," Rick said.

"You mean the absence of walkers?" Daryl asked and Rick nodded. "Was just thinkin' that myself. I'll head on over. Signal to me if you find anything. Don't wanna linger in this place too long. Gives me the creeps."

"I thought the infamous Daryl Dixon wasn't afraid of anything?" Rick teased as Daryl started to cross the small street.

"Big difference between bein' scared and bein' cautious," Daryl called over his shoulder and he heard Rick's light chuckle follow him.

Shaking his head, Daryl headed straight to the first building, working from the opposite end that Rick had started so that he could keep one eye in that direction. He swiped his hand over a large storefront window, wiping through layers of grime and dust to peer inside. Minutes later, a couple of walkers ran into the glass, trying desperately to get to him through the thick window.

"Dumb bastards," He scowled.

He crossed to the next building and peered inside, barely making out what appeared to be a hardware store. It seemed worth the effort to take a glimpse around. He waited several moments to ensure that all was quiet before trying the door only to find it locked. He sighed in frustration and leaned his crossbow against the brick of the building as he dug out his knife. He slipped the blade between the knob and the door, trying to work it open.

The high pitched noise that erupted suddenly made Daryl jump into alertness, nearly dropping his knife in the process. He glanced first at Rick and the other man met his eyes. Daryl signaled that he would check it out and Rick gave him the thumbs up as he continued on his search. Daryl was halfway down the street when he saw what had happened. A lone walker must have staggered too closely to a vehicle that was equipped with a car alarm and coincidentally set the alarm off. He aimed and shot a bolt through the offending walker's brain as Glen rushed over to the car and began working to dismantle the loud noise.

Daryl glanced back at Rick once more, "Rick! We need to go!" He shouted. They were live bait sitting here with that loud noise likely attracting walkers from everywhere within a one mile radius. The thought was unsettling at best.

He could see the others from his vantage point as they crowded together, their eyes more alert to pressing danger now. Daryl could feel the sweat begin to pop out on his forehead as he tried to keep one eye on everyone, but it wasn't possible. He only had two eyes that needed to be looking in three different directions at once.

"What's takin' so long?" Daryl shouted to Glen and the man held up a finger in response. Seconds later, the alarm was silenced and the air grew quiet around them once again. Glen gave Daryl a thumbs up and Daryl nodded in response as the man jogged back over to the group. Daryl glanced behind him for Rick again and spotted him trying to work his way into a building at the very end.

"Hurry up!" Daryl called out.

Rick didn't acknowledge his shout in any way and that frustrated Daryl to no end. He paced in a small circle, hesitant to leave his position for fear that something would happen.

It was Beth's voice that ultimately sent chills through him, "Walkers!" She cried. He frowned as several walkers began stumbling through the thick underbrush of the woods towards their small group. The others immediately began springing into action, Lori and Carl pushed to the back of them.

Daryl cursed as he snapped his bow into position, ducking when a gunshot rang out. Whipping around, his eyes scan the area to find one of his worst fears come true. Rick is surrounded by a small herd of walkers and is desperately trying to hold them at bay with his gun.

Springing into action, Daryl fires off several bolts, taking out a walker's eye just as its jaws snapped too closely to Rick's face. He was short of breath and his chest felt tight, internally pulled into two different directions at once. Making a hasty decision, Daryl shouldered his bow and grabbed his knife. As he raised his hand high above his head, Rick's eyes met his and he could see something flash through them, but there was no time to decipher it. Daryl dug the tip of his knife across his arm, watching as the blood began to rain down over him as he continued to hold it high above his head in the hopes that the wind might carry the scent. Then he began to yell, making as much noise as possible to grab the attention of the dead. He ran up the street, drops of blood flying behind him as his heart thundered within his chest.

He reached the herd that Rick fought against and began knifing as many of the walkers as possible. It only took a moment for the walkers to turn away from Rick and saunter towards Daryl, their greedy jaws snapping the air. He knows it's too many for their group to take on in their current condition, but Daryl's got a plan. He begins to back away from the herd, moving himself towards the woods.

"Go! Take the others!" Daryl shouted to Rick.

Rick snarls as he whips his knife through the air, slicing a walker across the neck causing rotten guts to spew forth onto the ground like vomit. "I'm not leaving you!" Rick yelled.

Daryl released a growl of frustration even as he broke the jaw off of another attacking walker. "Goddamit Rick! Don't be stubborn. Take the others! I'll catch up in a bit!"

Somewhere in the background, Daryl heard another voice, one that Rick couldn't ignore.

"Dad!" Carl shouted frantically.

And with one last glance at him, Rick turned and ran in the opposite direction leaving Daryl behind to lead the walkers away from the others and hopefully save their life.

...

It felt like hours before they were finally able to stop, but in reality he knew it wasn't that long. Lori could only run for so long at a time and several others were helping guide her along, almost carrying her at times.

They ended up in front of a farmhouse that Rick looked at ironically, thinking of Hershel's farm. Nearly falling with exhaustion, the others collapsed inside after clearing it out. Rick sought out Carl and reassured himself that his son was indeed okay by rubbing one hand through his slightly longer hair affectionately.

Daryl was still out there and now that they had a moment to think, Rick knew there was no way that Daryl was going to be able to find them. Even as much as an expert as he was at tracking, it would take him too long to finally pick up their trail. Rick didn't want to wait that long. They needed Daryl back. _He_ needed Daryl back. It didn't feel right with Daryl out there and not here with them.

So while the others sat for a moment to rest, Rick remained standing, his decision made. "I'm going back for Daryl."

"What?" Lori was the first to speak, her expression creased with worry as she held one hand over her protruding belly. "That's suicide Rick."

Rick shook his head, "I know the direction he went. I can find him," he insisted.

Lori pushed herself to a standing position with the help of Carol and made her way over to Rick. They walked into the hallway where they would have a sliver of privacy.

"I don't like this Rick. What good is it gonna do you to go back out there alone looking for Daryl Dixon? He's a tracker...he'll be fine."

Rick huffed and his jaw twitched as he looked at the wall, trying to find the words to express to his wife what this man meant to the group...what this man meant to _him_. He wouldn't just leave him out there, not when he had sacrificed himself so many times for their group already. Rick couldn't understand how Lori could write him off so easily, but then again she wasn't the same woman he had loved when they married. She had changed into someone different, someone he didn't even recognize anymore. It was news to no one that their marriage was practically over, this unborn baby being the last shred to tie them together.

"Well you don't get a say so in this anymore. You lost that right when you _fucked_ Shane," he hissed. Lori flinched, but he kept on. "I _know_ him. I'm going to find him. There was food back at that town. We'll bring it back when we come if possible."

She nodded and looked away from him, refusing to meet his eyes, "Whatever you say."

...

Daryl finally found the group's trail as the sun started to set and he changed course to locate somewhere to sleep for the night instead. Crossing through a small field and thick brush, he found himself standing in a cemetery. It brought him an odd sense of comfort to know that at least these people wouldn't be coming back. A small church sat on the other side of the cemetery and Daryl headed in that direction.

Halfway across a shadow loomed in the distance and he picked up his pace, cursing at having used all of his bolts. He would need to make more and soon. As he came to the corner of the small brick building, he glanced in that direction again and paused. Squinting into the distance, he could just make out a tall and lanky figure that he would recognize anywhere. He felt a surge of relief in that instant to see him alive and coming back for him. Rick came back for _him._ Emitting a low whistle, Daryl caught his attention and Rick perked up, jogging in his direction with his own expression of relief.

"Man am I glad to see you," Rick called as he caught up with Daryl.

"Everyone else okay?" Daryl waited, hoping that they hadn't suffered any casualties.

Rick nodded, "They're all fine, just exhausted. We're holed up in a farmhouse a couple of miles out."

"Farmhouse, eh?"

Rick smirked, "Believe me, the irony is not lost on me."

Daryl glanced up at the sky and the fading light, "Come on. Help me clear this church out so we can sleep. We'll head back in the mornin'."

Rick nodded and together they worked to clear the church of a grand total of four walkers that hardly put up a fight. They closed the heavy wooden doors and slid a church pew in front to hold them in place. Daryl leaned near a window, peering out for any signs of danger, but there were none. Behind him, he could sense a turmoil in Rick and he turned as the man began pacing the carpeted floor. He sensed that there was something on Rick's mind, but he was willing to wait him out. Eventually he knew that Rick would tell him.

"That was a stupid thing you did back there."

Daryl whipped his head around, eyes narrowed as Rick spoke. He pushed himself away from the window, setting his crossbow down as he approached Rick. "What the hell do you mean?"

Rick's eyes flashed, "Cutting yourself like that so all those walkers would follow you? You were lucky you didn't die!"

"You might wanna keep your voice down," Daryl hissed.

Rick's hand caught the leather of his vest as he turned and Daryl tensed for a hit that he felt sure was to come. Except it didn't. He glanced at Rick and could see the fear and anguish barely disguised behind the fury that laced his eyes.

"You don't understand," Rick began again, his voice thick. "I can't lose you. I need you."

Daryl's pulse began to flutter and he snatched his vest away from Rick's grip like it was on fire. "You mean the _group_ needs me."

Rick shook his head, looking torn as he battled something inside of his head. "No. _I_ do Daryl. This has nothing to do with them."

"What are you gettin' at here Rick?" Daryl asked defensively.

He tried to keep a safe distance from the other man, already feeling those familiar feelings begin to stir within him. He fought them down like he always did, intending to take care of them later when he had a spare moment alone. _If_ he had a spare moment alone.

The silence that fell between them was thick with unspoken words and Daryl didn't dare utter a single one. He watched as Rick ran a hand through his hair and down his face wearily before meeting his eyes. Daryl wasn't sure what he saw there, but all the same he took a step back as Rick advanced. The other man barreled into him, nearly knocking the breath from him as he backed him against the wall. Daryl remained still, but ready to lash out if need be.

"What you did was the stupidest thing I have _ever_ seen in my life," Rick began and Daryl's jaw twitched. "You and this group are everything to me and I _need_ you." _  
_

Daryl frowned. What the hell was Rick trying to say? It sounded like he was repeating himself over and over again. He opened his mouth to snap at him to get on with it, but froze when strong lips covered his own. His first instinct was to react violently, a familiar defense mechanism he had built up over the course of the years. Rick anticipated this move however and broke the kiss to pin him in place.

"The fuck, Rick?" Daryl questioned even as his breath grew heavy and the zipper on his jeans began to bulge.

Realization dawned over Rick's face and he loosened his grip slightly. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I think I'm losing my fucking mind." He laughed.

"What makes ya think that?"

Rick pinned him with his stare, "Because I'm so angry at you that I could choke you, but instead all I want to do is bend you over and fuck the hell out of you."

The silence that followed was so deep that Daryl was sure they were both holding their breath. He was speechless and it took him several moments to process just what Rick was saying. He wasn't sure he was hearing him correctly.

"Do it." Daryl's barely uttered words caught Rick's attention.

There was a raging intensity lying just underneath the surface as the air around them seemed to shift. Still pinned to the wall, Daryl's chest barely brushed against Rick's as he breathed in deeply, waiting on Rick to make a move. Daryl stared him down, still pinned to the wall by Rick's body, challenging him with his eyes. He repeated to himself over and over in his head that this was Rick and Rick wouldn't judge him for this.

"Just remember you asked for this...I won't go easy," Rick warned.

"Then just fuckin' do it. I ain't Lori, don't need you to hold my hand."

"Good because I won't."

" _Good_ ," Daryl hissed, pushing his face closer to Rick.

They squared off against each other and Rick planted his palms against the wall on either side of Daryl's head. Rick slowly lowered his head and brushed his lips against Daryl's neck. Daryl's lips parted and he released a big gust of air as waves of desire rippled through him.

"Harder. I ain't gonna break," Daryl urged. Rick lifted his head and Daryl could see that the other man's eyes were filled with desire as well. It helped to ease his anxiety that this was okay.

Rick pushed his face into Daryl's neck more forcefully this time and Daryl hissed as Rick's teeth bit into his skin. Rick nibbled the flesh between his teeth and then sucked on it soothingly with his mouth leaving one hell of a hickey on his neck. Daryl was too drunk with desire to care about anything other than how good this felt.

Rick pulled away and paused as he closed his eyes a moment, his breathing deepening. "What's goin' on? Why'd you stop?" Daryl's voice came out thick with barely controlled desire.

"I had to get...myself under control," Rick finally muttered. "I'm harder than a fucking teenager for Christ's sake. I'm not sure why I'm so turned on right now, but I want to touch you. Is that okay with you?"

Fuck yeah it was okay. It was _better_ than okay and Daryl worked to control his excitement at Rick's words. He merely nodded as he chewed on his lip, not really knowing if he was expected to do something or wait for Rick's cue.

Thankfully, Rick took over and pushed Daryl's vest off of his shoulders then moved shaking fingers to his shirt, but Daryl flinched away from him.

"No. Leave it," he ordered.

Rick glanced at his eyes and saw the unspoken emotions lurking within and he only nodded, moving down to Daryl's jeans. The moment that Rick knelt before him was a moment that Daryl Dixon was sure to never forget. He wasn't sure how it was possible, but his cock seemed to grow even harder the closer that Rick got to him. He stared down at the sheriff, burning this image into his memory for those lonely nights sure to come.

Rick took his time peeling open Daryl's jeans, his mouth closing over Daryl's hip bone as it was revealed and making Daryl jerk his hips forward. Encouraged by the response, Rick opened his mouth and scraped his teeth over Daryl's skin making him moan. Rick's eyes were dark, their piercing blues replaced by the lust that was driving him forward in that moment. But Daryl wanted more.

"Suck me." Daryl uttered the words without thinking, driven on by images that kept forming within his head. Rick leaned back and stared up at Daryl, his eyes flickering dangerously even as he pushed Daryl's jeans to his ankles.

"After that stunt you pulled earlier? You think you deserve my mouth on you?" Rick growled quietly.

Daryl shivered almost feverishly as Rick's hand closed over his hard cock still hidden beneath his boxer briefs. He pushed his hips forward, pumping his length through Rick's loosely held fist. It was too much.

"I saved your fuckin' life. Damn right I deserve it. Do it," Daryl demanded with a ferocity he didn't know he possessed at that moment.

Rick snatched his briefs downward and watched as Daryl's cock sprang forth to greet him. He eyed it and licked his lips, making sure his eyes connected with Daryl in that moment.

"That was a stupid stunt, Daryl. You could have easily gotten yourself killed. I don't think you realize the gravity of the situation, how badly I want to torture you until you beg me right now. Do you think you could handle that?"

Daryl nearly bit his tongue in half at the things that Rick was saying to him. The bastard had to know how badly it was affecting him. Daryl wanted Rick to do all of those things to him, almost more than he had ever wanted anything in his life before.

"Give it your best shot," Daryl challenged and Rick chuckled under his breath.

He gripped Daryl's cock again, experimentally sliding his fist over the firm skin, watching as a drop of Daryl's cum formed at the tip. "Never done this before," Rick admitted. "But I've received enough that I think I can wing it."

Daryl was quiet, watching as Rick pumped him twice more and then opened his mouth. He held his breath as Rick slid his hot mouth over him, enveloping him with a heat that threatened to make him spontaneously combust. He started off slowly, sliding him in and out of his mouth and then he grew faster, taking more of him in. Daryl bared his teeth, clamping down on his lip as he forced himself to hold back. He wasn't ready for this to be over. Grabbing ahold of Rick's hair, Daryl guided the other man in sucking his cock, groaning when Rick swallowed him deeper.

"Fuck," Daryl breathed. "Suck it harder. Don't be a bitch."

Rick chuckled over a mouthful of his cock and the vibrations sparked Daryl's release. His body grew taut and he had no time to warn Rick as strings of cum spewed from him and into Rick's mouth who was doing his best to swallow everything given to him. Daryl held tight to Rick's hair until the aftershocks were over and he blinked, the fog of lust clearing partially as he released his hold on him.

Rick stood and wiped his mouth as Daryl made a move to pull up his pants. "No," Rick said suddenly. "Leave them down. I want to look."

Daryl nodded quickly and reached for Rick, pushing his back against the wall firmly. Rick's eyes were still dark with lust and Daryl wanted to keep that look on him as long as possible. It gave him a sense of pride to know that he was the one putting that look on Rick's face.

He wasted no time in nibbling his way across Rick's neck, nipping at the skin lightly as he went. He was careful not to leave marks, remembering that he would already have on mark that would likely need explaining sooner or later. Shoving up Rick's shirt, Daryl ran his hands across the hair on his abdomen, feeling the ridges of muscle just underneath the skin. Rick hummed low in his throat as Daryl's fingers fumbled with the button and zipper of his jeans, finally forcing them down his hips to fall at his ankles. Rick gripped Daryl by the front of his shirt and jerked him forward, their bare cocks brushing together intimately. Daryl closed his eyes as they slid against each other, the friction threatening to send them over the edge. Daryl was hard again, his body aching with a need to be consumed by this man.

Dropping to his knees, Daryl ran his hands over Rick's cock marveling at the length and shape of him. Rick's cock was thicker than Daryl's, but not quite as long. The tip was red and swollen, a string of precum oozing from it. Daryl ran his tongue across that tip, collecting the white substance into his mouth as Rick's mouth fell open above him. Spurred on, Daryl wasted no time in wrapping his lips around Rick. It took him a moment to adjust as Rick had, but as he began to suck he fell into a steady rhythm. Rick began to pant, muttering obscenities under his breath as Daryl experimented.

" _Fuck yeah...God...Holy shit yes. Suck my cock you bitch...just like that."_ Rick's muttered words were making Daryl throb almost to the point of pain and as he continued to suck him, he grabbed onto his own cock and began to fist it, pumping furiously towards his release. Running his hand over Rick, he used the combined mixture of his spit and Rick's fluid to coat his own cock. The thought of having Rick's cum on him only fueled his fire and he moaned around the cock that filled him.

"You like that?" Rick murmured. "Like my cock in you?"

Daryl growled, sucking on him harder and Rick pumped his hips further into Daryl's hot mouth. Daryl jerked himself harder, his lips wrapping around Rick more firmly as he grew closer to his release.

"Yeah...ah...next time I wanna fuck you the right way."

Daryl groaned around Rick, the words setting him off and he began to spurt warm cum all over the floor between Rick's spread legs.

"Fuck," Rick gasped. That was all the warning that Daryl got as Rick's cum spilled inside of his throat. He coughed at the first shot, but recovered quickly as he worked to drink down every last drop and leave nothing behind. He released Rick when the man began to soften in his mouth and Daryl collapsed onto his back on the floor beneath him. His chest was heaving from his exertion and the adrenaline of the moment.

Rick slid down against the wall across from him, sweat covering his forehead as he breathed in deep. They didn't speak for a bit, neither of them entirely sure what to say or where to start. They fixed their clothing in silence, casting quick glances at each other.

Now that the moment was over, Daryl was nervous. What if Rick hadn't really wanted that to happen? What if Rick had just been looking for some way to ease his lust? He chewed on his fingers, working at the skin around the nails worryingly.

"Daryl."

Daryl paused in the act of biting into his skin and looked over at Rick warily. He didn't seem upset. Instead he just seemed thoughtful and that eased Daryl's anxiety a small fraction.

"I don't want to screw this up. You...our friendship, it means everything to me," Rick explained.

"You didn't screw nothin' up. I'm good," Daryl replied.

Rick studied him, "What we did...you're okay with it?"

Daryl shrugged. Rick didn't know just how okay with it Daryl really was. He was hoping for a repeat sometime soon, but he wouldn't push his luck. He wanted to tell Rick that he had always had these feelings deep down, but it was too soon and he wasn't quite ready himself yet either. "Didn't bother me none."

Rick expelled a breath, stepping closer to him, "Would you- I mean do you want to do that again?"

"What, now?"

Rick laughed, "No, not right this minute. I don't think I am physically able, but I meant in general."

Daryl already knew the answer to that question, but he appeared to think about it a minute in order to not seem too eager. "Yeah, I'm okay with that. I want to keep this between us though."

"Yeah. I don't think we should tell the others, you're right. We keep this between you and me," Rick agreed. He yanked Daryl up against him, their hard bodies colliding. "And if you ever pull that shit again, I'll make good on my threat from earlier and you will surrender."

Daryl's lips curled into a half smile, "Same goes for you sheriff and don't you fuckin' forget it."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There wasn't supposed to be more to this, but it just happened and I went with it. Hope you enjoy if you read it. Thanks!

...

Rick awoke before Daryl the next morning, shocked by the fact that the other man was still sleeping. It was a rare occasion for any of them to wake before Daryl who in Rick's mind never seemed to sleep. They had taken two separate church pews and used them for makeshift beds through the night. Rick had slept fitfully, his dreams alternating between his family and Daryl.

He knew that his relationship - or lack thereof, with Lori was over. He had accepted that cold hard fact months ago. He also knew that the baby that she was carrying was likely not his, but Shane's. Fucking his best friend was the last thing that he had ever expected from Lori and even now the pain was still fresh, still tender. It was getting to the point where he couldn't even look at her without seeing the infidelity written all over her face. He didn't even know her anymore.

And then there was Daryl.

Rick sat up in his pew and leaned against the back of it, staring over at the other man who was still sleeping. To say that he didn't understand where these feelings for Daryl had come from would be somewhat of a lie. He knew he cared deeply for Daryl, anyone in the group could see that, but the sexual attraction that he felt for the other man was harder for him to understand. There had never been a point in his life where he had felt a similar attraction for the same sex, not even with Shane and they had been just as close as he and Daryl were now once upon a time. He couldn't figure it out and the fact that Daryl had responded to him so willingly blew his mind.

What they had shared last night in this very church had been the hottest thing that Rick had ever experienced in his life. He had never been turned on that much by someone before. And being with Daryl had been so easy, so uncomplicated. Of course if they continued to explore this passion between them, this attraction, then they wouldn't just be able to flaunt it out in the open. They would have to be discreet about it, at least for a little while. It wasn't because Rick felt ashamed of having these feelings for another man, but Carl was still young and a part of him felt like he wasn't emotionally ready for anything of this magnitude. Carl wasn't stupid and he knew that his parents were having troubles, but Rick wasn't sure just how much his son really knew. There were things that would have to be dealt with before anything could be done about he and Daryl.

He rose to his feet slowly, cracking his neck once before crossing to the windows and peering out into the faint morning light that had just begun to creep over the earth. He listened, but everything was quiet and somewhat peaceful for now which he was thankful for. He walked over to the edge of the pew and looked down at Daryl, watching him sleep. It occurred to him that he hadn't ever watched the other man sleep before. Once upon a time he had watched Lori sleep on occasion, especially when working long nights down at the station. But watching Daryl sleep had never happened because it was usually a rare moment that anyone was allowed to see the man with his guard down.

In his sleep Daryl's face was more relaxed than Rick thought he had ever seen it. One arm was lifted towards his face, casually draped across his forehead while his other hand rested on his crossbow. Rick knew that if he made any noise at all then Daryl would rouse from his sleep ready to attack. He admired that about him, but then again he admired so many things about the man that lay before him. Daryl had changed since Rick had come to know him. The day that Daryl had advanced on him in the quarry Rick could see the big chip he had been carrying on his shoulder and how he was ready to lash out at the world. Since then, Daryl had calmed considerably and he had warmed up to the group, finding his own niche among them.

Whether Daryl realized it or not, Rick  _did_  need him. It was crazy how much Rick had come to depend on the other man to be there...to have his back when the situation called for it. Daryl was always there, picking up the pieces where Rick went slack or started to lose his way. He had an uncanny ability to keep Rick grounded and because of his loyalty and friendship, Rick trusted Daryl with his life. He could only hope that Daryl had that much trust in him as well because Rick knew that he would never let anything happen to him.

Below him Daryl shifted, his hand drifting down to the crotch of his jeans to tug gently at the material there. Rick followed this action with a bemused smile and he could feel the first tendrils of desire creeping over him. He wanted another moment with Daryl. They would have to head out soon and then Rick had no idea when they might get another moment alone like this where they could just be together: Rick and Daryl.

He was so focused on watching Daryl's hand situate himself in his jeans that he didn't even notice Daryl's eyes were open. It wasn't until Daryl moved his hand that Rick felt his gaze on him and they locked eyes. Rick knew that his desire was shining rampant in his gaze, but he held nothing back, wanting Daryl to know just how badly he wanted him. Daryl studied him quietly for several minutes and then he cleared his throat, hooking a hand onto the back of the pew to pull himself up.

"Why didn't ya wake me up?" Daryl asked, voice still laced with sleep.

Rick shrugged and walked casually around the pew to sit next to him, their shoulders brushing. "Figured you needed your sleep."

Daryl snorted, "Can sleep when I'm dead."

"I need you refreshed. I want to run back into that town, grab those supplies I saw. We could use those, especially since supplies are becoming scarce."

Daryl nodded as he rested his bow on the floor between his legs, his fingers playing with the taut line. "Anything ya need."

Rick grew still at his words, his body becoming very attuned to Daryl. "Anything?" Rick asked hoarsely.

Daryl looked at him dead on, raising one thick eyebrow. His hair was getting longer and several locks were falling towards his face giving Rick the urge to grab onto them and put his mouth all over him. He squeezed his hands into fists, holding them tightly to his lap. He wanted Daryl to come to him this time, wanted to see if Daryl desired him just as much.

"You had somethin' in mind?" Daryl asked.

"Just asking a simple question."

"Ain't no such thing as a simple question anymore these days Rick. What do ya want?" Daryl's voice grew deeper, his voice taking on that husky tone that he seemed to adopt often.

Rick leaned back in the pew, stretching his long legs out ahead of him and he ran his hands over his face, rubbing it briskly. What was he doing? He had nearly assaulted the man last night and this morning he was trying to seduce Daryl into coming on to him. He groaned in frustration.

Every cell in Rick's body froze as he felt Daryl's hand slide across his jean-clad thigh, his rough fingers applying just enough pressure to make Rick moan out loud softly. He moved his hands as his chest heaved in and out and saw Daryl's eyes locked onto him as he continued to rub him in that same spot. Eager for more, Rick spread his legs out further, slouching down just enough that the tip of Daryl's fingers grazed his prominent erection.

"Christ that feels good," Rick muttered. "It feels so fucking good to be touched." He paused as a thought crossed his mind. "You know you don't have to do this, right?"

Daryl huffed, his movements becoming bolder now as he outright cupped Rick through his jeans. "Wouldn't be doin' it if I didn't want to." Daryl glanced towards the windows where the light was becoming brighter as the sun began to rise higher. "We got time if ya want it," he suggested.

Rick laughed half-heartedly, sucking in a breath when Daryl began to slide his zipper down. " _If_  I want it?" He cast a cursory glance at Daryl and the other man's face blushed a faint red. "You were with me last night," Rick said. "Do you doubt that I do?" He grabbed Daryl's hand suddenly and held it over his hard cock that pulsed beneath his jeans. "Does this feel like I don't?"

Daryl moved quicker than he expected, threading his thick fingers into Rick's hair and pulling their mouths together sharply. It occurred to Rick now that he had a moment to think about it, that for all of Daryl's hard edges the man had soft lips. Kissing him was nothing like he had expected kissing another man to be. Aside from the scratch of his beard, it really wasn't all that different if Rick were honest. Except that he wanted this badly, probably more than he had ever wanted anything with Lori and he knew that wasn't fair, but it felt true to him. He wanted this man before him on his knees, his hot mouth stroking him until he came down his throat. He wanted to watch Daryl swallow every drop of his cum again.

Rick broke the kiss to pant, "Please," he begged.

Daryl glanced down between them and Rick felt his fingers undoing the button of his jeans, the last thing holding them onto his hips. Daryl slipped his hand inside the waist and grabbed onto Rick. Rick arched into him and his head fell back over the side of the pew in ecstasy. Daryl nipped at his throat, his teeth gnashing over his earlobe, his breath hot in his ear.

"Since ya asked so nicely," Daryl whispered. "Want my mouth on you?"

Rick's cock slipped between the opening of his boxers and Daryl's hand slid over his bare flesh. "Dammit," he muttered brokenly. "God, you know I do."

"Just wanted to hear ya say it," Daryl replied.

Rick gave a throaty laugh, the sound dying quickly in his throat as Daryl slipped down to the floor between his spread legs. Rick waited with bated breath, but nothing happened.

"Look at me," Daryl demanded suddenly. Rick lifted his head and their eyes locked, hot-white desire pulsing between them. "I ain't Lori."

Rick nodded once. He understood. Daryl didn't want Rick pretending he was someone else. He wanted Rick to know exactly who was sucking him off and the thought of it all only added to Rick's excitement over the matter. Daryl paused for effect and then opened his mouth, sliding it down onto him deeply. Rick watched him the whole time, never able to tear his eyes away from the sight before him. It was so erotic, so dirty, but so  _right_  at the same time.

The warm suction of Daryl's mouth sliding over him threatened to send Rick over the edge almost immediately. On impulse he gripped a fistful of Daryl's hair, wanting to be closer to him somehow...needing that connection. Daryl grunted, picking up the pace as he ran his tongue up the underside of Rick's cock.

"Fuck," Rick muttered and it felt good to let it all out. Knowing that Daryl could handle it, he pulled his hair harder and was reprimanded with a slight scrape of the teeth over his member. Rick hissed and Daryl smirked around a mouthful of cock. He resisted the very strong urge to pound his hips into Daryl's mouth. "Fuck me, your mouth is fantastic," he murmured.

Daryl pulled away from him for a second, his hand picking up where his mouth left off. "Know somethin' else that'd feel fantastic," Daryl commented.

Rick's eyes widened and he blinked through his lust-filled haze. Was Daryl suggesting what he thought he was? Several images ran through his mind, mainly one of him towering over Daryl from behind, fucking him until they both collapsed from exhaustion. Had Daryl done that with someone else? That thought immediately led him to wonder just how much Daryl  _had_ done.

Rick couldn't answer him and Daryl didn't prod, instead engulfing him with his mouth once more. Rick sighed at the tight pressure and he closed his eyes, allowing himself to envision fucking Daryl. He bit his lip as he pictured himself catching Daryl off guard and holding him prisoner against the wall. He would run his hands all over him roughly and Daryl would take everything that Rick gave him without question. It was that trust that was always so evident in their relationship combined with the reality that he  _could_  fuck Daryl that sent him over the edge. He cried out, rising off of the pew slightly as he filled Daryl's mouth with his cum. It took him several minutes to come down from his orgasmic high and he released a deep relaxing breath, his eyes landing on Daryl who was watching him intently.

Rick tucked himself back into his jeans, mindful of Daryl's eyes and he leaned forward. "When you said you knew something else..." Rick let his sentence trail off.

"You ain't stupid. I'm sure you can figure it out. In fact, considerin' how you hard you just came, I'm assumin' the idea was appealin' to you."

The corner of Rick's mouth lifted in a smile and he chuckled softly before brushing his lips over Daryl's. "I've never done anything like that," Rick said softly. "Have you?" He knew he was fishing for information on Daryl's sex life, but he found himself kind of curious to know now that they were on the topic.

Much to Rick's relief, Daryl shook his head no which led to Rick's next question. "Have you fucked a woman?"

Daryl wouldn't meet his gaze this time which Rick found interesting, but Daryl nodded and Rick accepted it for what it was. Daryl didn't offer up much about his personal life freely, but just these few tidbits here and there meant more to Rick than Daryl would ever know.

Daryl stood and Rick followed, grabbing onto his arm and jerking him to a stop. "I want to fuck you," Rick admitted. "Just not here, not like this."

Daryl was silent, but his shoulders dropped some, releasing some of his tension from mere moments ago. He wanted him in that moment, wanted to bring this strong man to his knees with pleasure. He hadn't had this intense of a connection with anyone in so long that he dreaded walking out of this church and back to the reality that was their life. But as much as he needed Daryl, he also needed his son too and he knew that.

"Drop your pants," Rick demanded suddenly, the words bursting forth from his mouth in a way that surprised him. He had been so calm with Daryl going down on him, but now that it was his turn he was feeling an intense surge of adrenaline run through his veins.

He wasn't surprised when Daryl merely looked at him with a lifted brow, disregarding his command. "You givin' orders now, Rick?" Daryl asked.

Rick stepped forward, making sure to crowd Daryl's space with his body. He let his eyes linger all over every inch of the hunter, making sure that Daryl felt his touch from head to toe. "Yeah," Rick responded gruffly. "Yeah, I am."

They stared at each other for a single heartbeat of a moment and then Daryl swept his hands out to his sides. "How 'bout you do it for me?" He challenged.

Rick dropped to his knees and worked Daryl's pants open, sliding them off of his hips to fall to his ankles. Daryl was hard and Rick wasted no time in pulling him out and taking him by storm. This time he had a better feel for what he was doing and he worked it to his advantage. Occasionally he cast his eyes upward to Daryl, sometimes locking with those piercing blues and others catching Daryl with his eyes closed, his lips partly open. Rick took him as deep as he could, resisting the urge to gag from the length as he did so.

"Christ, why do ya have to feel so good?" Daryl murmured.

Rick swirled his tongue over the head of him, pulling his mouth back with a soft pop that made Daryl moan. In a moment of inspiration he found Daryl's balls and cupped them with his hands, massaging them with his fingers. Daryl jerked forward, one hand falling to Rick's shoulder to hold himself upright. It made Rick feel good to be there for Daryl in this way, to have Daryl need him and be there to hold him up.

"Why do you have to taste so good?" Rick asked him as he stood, his hand still stroking Daryl. He wanted to kiss this man and he almost laughed at just how crazy the whole idea sounded in his head. Rick Grimes wanted to kiss a  _man._  Daryl's breathing was erratic as Rick cupped the back of his head and claimed his mouth. Daryl's tongue skirted against his own and Rick made a noise in the back of his throat. Breaking free of the kiss, he buried his face into Daryl's neck. "I  _will_ fuck you soon," Rick breathed. "You won't know it's coming, but it's gonna happen and I won't go easy. I want to see you come apart because of  _me._ " He punctuated each word carefully, noticing the slight shiver that Daryl gave.

"What about me?" Daryl asked on a ragged breath.

"What about you?" Rick asked.

"What if I wanna fuck you too?"

Rick almost stopped what he was doing...almost. He hadn't ever thought of that until now. Could he handle that? Would he be able to take Daryl's cock in him like that? He swallowed, "Yeah. You can fuck me too," he replied.

"I won't go easy either," Daryl breathed.

Rick knelt back down, running his tongue over Daryl's tip. "Looking forward to it."

He slid his mouth back over the ridged skin, sucking for all he was worth. He knew Daryl was close. He could see it in the way that the other man held himself, by the expression on his face. His bottom lip was puckered out and his teeth were exposed just enough for Rick to see as he bit down on it. Rick groaned at the effect it had on him. Daryl's grip on his shoulder tightened until it was almost painful and then he let go as he began to cum. Rick struggled to accept it, not thinking at all while he did so. He pulled away once Daryl was finished and watched as Daryl pulled his jeans back up.

He knew without looking that it was time for them to head out. They couldn't afford to spend any more time here especially since he wanted to hit those stores for supplies before heading back to the group. The others would be worried if they didn't show up soon he knew. Rick climbed shakily to his feet and released a long drawn out breath.

"We need to be hittin' the road if we're gonna make good time. Looks like we're hoofin' it," Daryl remarked.

Rick nodded, "Yeah. Gonna have to find a vehicle or else we'll be packing all this back to the group on our backs."

Daryl smirked. "Gettin' soft on me? Thought you cops were built for shit like that."

"I knew the cop thing was gonna come back and bite me in the ass."

Daryl chuckled, "Let's get the fuck outta here."

"Yeah. It's kind of wrong, don't you think?" Rick asked as he helped Daryl to move the pew they had barred the door with.

"What is?"

"This is a Baptist church and we just..." Rick gestured between them with his hand. "We just committed a deadly sin or something."

Daryl snorted, "Hate to break it to ya, but it ain't the first sin we've committed an' it sure as shit won't be the last. Now you comin' or not?"

Rick shot him a bemused look. "Thought I just did."

"The man's got jokes," Daryl muttered, shaking his head as they walked out into the fresh air. "Come on Sheriff. Ya play nice an' I might let ya pat me down later."

"I can get behind that." Rick snickered and was rewarded with a soft punch to the gut.

...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intend on getting this one out tonight, but so many of you asked (ahem, politely demanded) that I write it so here it is. I haven't had the best day so to speak so please be gentle with any errors. I've combed it through, but I'm only human after all. I might could be persuaded for one more chapter after this...we'll see how well the muse cooperates. I really do appreciate all of you and your kind reviews. They push me to write and I thank you for it! Enjoy!

The trip back to the town to search for supplies proved worthwhile when they managed to collect three bags of food. It wouldn't be enough to last them long, but then again it never was enough these days. It seemed as if they were always tired, always hungry, and always looking over their shoulder for danger. Hopefully the sight of the food would lift the group's spirits some...Rick was counting on it more than usual.

They had located a truck, a piece of shit Ford pickup that had seen better days, but still managed to sputter to life when Daryl hot-wired it. They were making good time getting back to the others, but Rick was a little on edge. As stupid as it was, part of him worried that the others would know what he and Daryl had spent the night and morning doing. He felt guilty and it wasn't because of the fact that Daryl was a man. Rick felt guilty because he had _enjoyed_ himself while the others had been hungry and waiting on them to return. His son being one of those people.

It wasn't right and he of all people should have known better. He was supposed to be a leader...the others looked up to him. He couldn't help the guilt that consumed him. The last thing he should have been thinking about was his own pleasure, but he had. He stared out of the passenger window as the land around them flew past, Daryl's boot hitting the accelerator a little harder than usual. Things were quiet between them...had been since they had gotten into the truck and Rick knew he should be helping Daryl pay attention to possible danger, but he couldn't stop thinking about things.

Daryl slammed on the brakes suddenly, nearly sending Rick tumbling to the floorboard of the truck. Instantly he was on alert, but when he looked around he saw nothing that presented any danger. Wearily he met Daryl's gaze and saw that he was staring out of the windshield, a serious expression upon his face.

"Stop."

Just that. Just, _stop_ and nothing else. Rick wondered briefly if Daryl could read his mind somehow, but he didn't say anything. He was afraid that if he did then he might say something that would hurt Daryl's feelings and that was the last thing that Rick wanted to do. Besides, it wasn't even that Rick hadn't _wanted_ to do all those things with Daryl. He had wanted them and hell, he _still_ wanted them even now. Maybe he wouldn't have felt so bad if the the others hadn't been so beaten when he had left. The defeated looks upon all of their faces were haunting him now. He could still see the raw hunger in his son's eyes that he was trying so desperately to fight.

"I'm sorry," Rick said.

Daryl shook his head in frustration. "Sorry for what exactly?"

Rick shrugged, his eyes sweeping the area around them, noticing that Daryl was doing the exact same thing as him. "Not for what happened between us if that's what you're implying."

"Explain it to me then," Daryl coaxed.

Rick didn't want to explain it, but a part of him did all the same. Everything that happened to him lately he kept bottled inside with no outlet, no way to release those demons. Everyone expected so much from him, but no one ever thought that he might need someone to talk to, some method of release from all of the responsibility. And then there was Daryl again...sitting so patiently on the other side of that truck and waiting for Rick to talk to him. For the first time in a long while someone wanted to hear what Rick had to say, wanted him to get shit off his chest. It struck him how out of everyone that it was Daryl who threw down the gauntlet. It was always Daryl.

"It's hard to explain," Rick said softly. He glanced down at the dried blood that spotted his jeans, the splatters creating a random pattern. It reminded him of the time he had painted Carl's nursery for Lori. "The others...they're exhausted and hungry. They were depending on me - on us, to bring them food."

"And you're feelin' guilty," Daryl finished for him.

Rick glanced at him in surprise, shocked that Daryl could read him so well. There was so much more depth to Daryl that most of the group never saw, but sometimes he let Rick see it.

"Yeah," Rick nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I am."

"That ain't on us Rick. It ain't on _you_. You put it on yourself...this huge responsibility to provide for everyone, but it shouldn't be just on you. Or me," he added. "You need ta take time out for you too, ya know?"

"...I know."

"No, I don't think ya do," Daryl argued. "Let me ask ya somethin'. How are ya feelin' this mornin'?"

The question caught him off guard a little and he chewed over his answer. He took a minute to really think about his response, how his body felt. He didn't feel as tense as yesterday and not quite as anxious as all the days beforehand for sure. That intense ache between his shoulderblades had receded to a dull throb that didn't annoy him quite as much.

"Guess I'm feelin' a little better than before," he admitted.

Daryl nodded, "Me too. Helps to release a lil' tension every now an' again." He stared pointedly at Rick until Rick got the point and he chuckled softly as he rubbed his hands over his jean-clad thighs.

"Guess you're right...hell you're always right," Rick teased.

Daryl snorted, "Hardly. We all make bad decisions from time ta time. The trick is learnin' how ta live with them without lettin' them change ya."

Daryl stared at him for another few seconds before releasing the brake and heading on down the highway. Rick still felt the guilt, but it wasn't quite as prominent now and he was able to let his thoughts drift as they headed back to the others who were waiting.

...

"Thank God you're safe!" Carol's voice was filled with emotion as she hugged Daryl tightly. She reached out and squeezed Rick's hand affectionately as he climbed out of the passenger seat next to them. "Both of you," she clarified.

Rick nodded and returned the squeeze, his eyes searching for his son. He spotted Lori who had come out of the house and was standing on the large porch, her hands rubbing her swollen belly gently. She met his eyes briefly and he looked away, not wanting to see any of the emotions she might be displaying. Reaching into the truck he pulled out the bags of food and handed them to Carol. Her eyes widened in surprise and then delight as she glanced at the contents.

"You're a Godsend," she whispered gratefully.

"Have you seen Carl?" Rick asked.

She nodded, "He's out back with Glenn talking about guy stuff." She made a face to go along with that statement and Rick grinned, shaking his head in amusement. He would let them be for now and maybe later he and Carl could talk about some things. Not about himself and Daryl, but they needed to talk about his relationship with Lori - or lack thereof.

Daryl brushed up against him as he grabbed his crossbow from behind the seat of the truck and Rick felt that intense heat spread all throughout his body. He swallowed deeply, dragging his gaze to Daryl who briefly met his eyes before turning away. He patted Rick's stomach with his hand, his eyes saying things he would never say out loud.

"Catch ya later Sheriff."

Rick watched him head around the house, more than likely to take over for whoever was on watch and he shook his head. It was going to be hard to keep his feelings for Daryl contained, but he was going to have to rein them in before it became obvious to everyone else.

...

Rick glanced down at Lori's sleeping form on one of the beds upstairs. T-Dog and Carol were on watch, hunkered down under the shelter of the huge porch that lined the house. Rick had just come off of his shift, his body feeling worn and achy, the pain in his shoulders having returned. He knew that the bulk of his aches came from stress, but also from the fact that he was simply getting older now and things didn't always work the way that they used to.

There weren't many options for places to sleep as rooms were limited. Rick would have slept on the couch downstairs, but for some reason he had drifted upstairs to Lori's room. He was seeking comfort, some sort of reassurance that things were going to be okay. Earlier they had had a close call when several walkers had ambled out of the bush and headed straight for Beth, their jaws snapping at her flesh hungrily. She had screamed in panic, trying to fight them off before Daryl had gotten several shots in as the others had run for her in fear. It had been too close of a call.

The fact of the matter was that they weren't safe here. The house, although providing some small amount of security and comfort with it's four walls and a roof wouldn't hold up to a sizable herd should they pass through. Rick knew it...everybody knew it, but not everyone was crazy about going on the road again and Rick couldn't say that he blamed them. It hadn't been easy out there hopping from place to place with no permanent location, but somehow they had managed...just like they always did.

Rick stood there a moment longer, gazing down at his wife and waiting to feel that spark of warmth, of _love_ , for the woman who had been his high school sweetheart. Instead, he felt nothing but resentment and maybe even a slight tinge of anger still, especially when she turned and her pregnant belly was visible to his gaze. Casting his eyes downward, he moved stealthily back out of the room and into the hallway...alone.

He strolled slowly down the hall and pondered going back downstairs to help keep watch, but he knew it would ultimately only open the pathway for conversation and he wasn't sure he wanted to talk just yet. He stopped at the edge of the stairs and glanced back at the last door he had passed - the door to Daryl's room.

Did he dare go to Daryl in the middle of the night like this with all the others so close by? And what if he did? Inevitably he knew what would happen if he opened that doorway...if he took that next step in this new relationship that they had going. The longer he stood there, the more he realized that it was exactly what he wanted, exactly what he needed.

Rick tapped on the door, his fingers light and whisper-soft knowing that Daryl would hear him regardless. Not waiting for an invitation to enter, Rick turned the knob and stepped inside of the room, surprised to find Daryl standing near the window, his eyes gazing out over the yard below. As Rick closed the door behind him with a barely audible click, Daryl's head slowly swiveled in his direction until their eyes met. Rick reached behind him with one hand and turned the lock on the door, Daryl's brow raising slightly at the action.

It seemed so familiar to him, so easy even to waltz inside of Daryl's space without having an offer. He was overcome with the very blunt fact that he had left the sanctity of his family to seek comfort in the arm's of another man. Except that once tight-knit bond the Grime's family had occupied at one time was no longer there, replaced instead by some distant and barely there sense of obligation.

"You alright?"

Rick blinked, noticing that while lost in his own thoughts Daryl had drifted close and was now standing right in front of him, his face a mask of concern. Rick ran a hand through his unruly hair, scratching at his scalp as he went. He shook his head and met Daryl's gaze, "No."

"The walkers?" Daryl asked.

"That...among other things." Rick blew out a tense breath, his hand drifting to his shoulders to rub at the ache that had become like second nature to his worn body.

Daryl stepped close, his fingers brushing against Rick's jaw as he began undoing the buttons of his shirt. Rick swallowed and dipped his chin to watch those fingers as they worked. When Daryl finished he pushed the flannel shirt free of Rick's shoulders, sliding it down his arms so that it dropped to the floor behind him. Grasping him by his belt loop, Daryl led Rick over to the bed and forced him to sit.

Rick sat perfectly still, breathing in Daryl's scent as it wafted around him. He closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing which might have actually worked had Daryl not dropped his own shirt to the floor at that moment, causing Rick's eyes to spring back open again. He had seen Daryl shirtless before, living with a small group in tight quarters made it hard to keep secrets sometimes, but he had never studied it like this before. Smooth, tan, skin sculpting defined muscles had Rick struggling to maintain a calm demeanor.

He felt the bed dip next to him as Daryl climbed behind him. Strong, callused, fingers slid over his shoulders, warm and incredibly firm as they kneaded his tight muscles. Rick immediately groaned, dropping his head forward until his chin touched his chest, surrendering himself without a second thought to the man behind him. Daryl used his thumbs and palm to work at the knots, circling them firmly before rubbing them smooth again. It was the closest thing to Heaven Rick Grimes had experienced in a long time.

And he was also aroused beyond belief.

After a time had passed, Rick reached up and stopped the progression of Daryl's hands, twisting his body around on the bed until they were face to face. Locking eyes with Daryl he could feel the raw arousal tainting his blood and it boiled deep within the pit of his stomach.

"What do you want?" Daryl asked softly.

"I want..." Rick paused, not entirely sure how to articulate his thoughts suddenly. This could go either way he had suddenly realized and he hadn't really thought out which way he wanted it to go until this very moment. He closed his eyes, images blazing through his mind. "I want you to fuck me," he finally stated.

Daryl's breath exhaled on a whoosh and he surged forward suddenly, grasping Rick by the neck as he took his lips by storm. Rick met him with equal fervor, his hands fisting into Daryl's hair. Their teeth clashed, but it didn't matter because Daryl's tongue was in his mouth and it felt so good that Rick was starving for more. Rick knocked Daryl backwards onto the bed and loomed over him, forcing him to the mattress with his kiss as his hand slid down the front of Daryl's jeans. He gripped Daryl's hard cock in one hand and slowly teased one finger over the head, watching in fascination as Daryl's hips lifted towards him.

"Fuck," Daryl muttered. His eyes met Rick's, dark with arousal. "Ya sure 'bout this?"

Rick chuckled then, surprised at the question that came after he had a grip on Daryl's erection. "Would you stop if I wasn't?" He questioned, his expression turning serious for the moment.

Without hesitation Daryl firmly replied, "Yes."

Rick slipped his hand free, taking note of the flash of confusion that crossed Daryl's hard features. He stood from the bed and unzipped his pants, letting them fall free of his body as Daryl watched from the bed. In no time at all he was undressed and clamoring back onto the bed as Daryl moved to undress himself as well.

Daryl pressed one knee back onto the bed, but Rick grabbed him by the arm, stopping him. "I don't need you to go easy on me," he said. "I need to forget it all. Make me forget," his voice was slightly pleading and Daryl nodded in consent.

Daryl worked his way between Rick's legs and slid his mouth over his cock, sucking him down deep. Rick hummed in pleasure as Daryl worked him, sliding his mouth down to the hilt, strings of saliva running out the edges of his lips and down his cock. He was so attuned to the feel of Daryl's mouth on him that he didn't even feel when Daryl's hand slipped between his legs to his ass until he felt a finger being pushed inside of him.

Rick jumped and Daryl pulled his mouth away to meet his eyes. "What-?" Rick was panting, his eyes wild and torn between wanting Daryl's hand there and pushing it away.

"Relax," Daryl urged. "Ya gotta fuckin' relax."

Rick lay his head back on the pillow, but he didn't relax even though he tried. This was all new to him, having sex with a man and he hadn't really thought how it would feel to have something inside of him so intimately.

"Wait," Rick breathed. "I thought you said you never...never done this before?"

Daryl paused and Rick waited with bated breath for his answer. "I haven't. Seen this shit in a porn once. Ya can't just go shovin' things in. There's work involved, just like with a woman."

"Did you just compare me to a woman?" Rick chuckled, his body relaxing more now. He was starting to get used to Daryl stroking him there, his fingers moving in small circles. He slid another finger in and Rick sucked in a breath at the fullness.

"Sure the hell talk as much as one," Daryl muttered. He withdrew his fingers and rolled Rick over suddenly, pinning him to the sheets with his body. Rick felt the air blow forcefully from his lungs. "Guess I'm the one givin' orders now Sheriff," Daryl murmured as his hands pushed against Rick's hips.

He teased his cock against Rick, butting it up against him so that it barely sunk inside. Growling underneath his breath, Rick rocked backward, but Daryl moved with him keeping just within reach.

"Goddamn it," Rick hissed. A slew of curse words broke free of his lips, broken only by the feeling of Daryl sliding inside of him. Rick paused as did Daryl, both of them taking a moment to adjust. There was pain - minimal, but it was there and Rick pushed past it. He rocked back into Daryl, urging him forth in a silent invitation that Daryl accepted immediately.

Daryl's hands gripped his hips, holding him steadily as he slid back and then thrust into Rick swiftly, taking them both by surprise.

"Fuck," Daryl muttered brokenly.

"Harder," Rick demanded in a hoarse voice stripped raw with need.

Daryl obliged, his strokes turning to rough thrusts that had him breathing heavily. Rick was hard, his erection barely grazing the top of the blankets as he took everything that Daryl had to give. He reached between his legs and grabbed his aching cock, stroking the hot flesh firmly. Daryl's fingers were bruising his hips, but he loved it, craved it even on a deeper level. He hadn't come here for some romantic tumble in the sheets he knew that now...he had come here to be fucked - to be fucked by Daryl Dixon to be exact.

Rick drew in a shuddering breath as everything in him grew hotter, his body growing taut as he continued to stroke himself. Daryl was breathing heavily from above him and Rick doubted that he would last long at this rate.

And then something happened.

Daryl shifted his hips slightly and the angle changed, but so did the sensations that flowed through Rick. With every thrust, Daryl threatened to send Rick over the edge as pleasure raced through his bloodstream. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced.

"Fuck!" Rick whispered harshly and his hands grappled at the sheets as he tried to retain his balance. He moaned, the noise sounding foreign even to his own ears. Daryl thrust onward, keeping position as Rick pushed backward to meet him, their bodies pounding into each other in a steady rhythm. Rick could feel his body teetering on the edge, his cock seeping fluid onto the bed below.

And then Daryl did something unexpected - he paused mid-thrust.

Rick tried to rock backward again, but Daryl's hands held him firmly in place and he released a low growl of impatience.

"Who am I?" Daryl's voice was octaves lower than normal, his tone laced with more authority than Rick had ever heard from him. He had a fleeting thought that if it were possible to get turned on by just the sound of Daryl's voice then he just had. His question gave him pause and he fumbled for the answer being sought.

"What-"

"Who the fuck am I Rick?"

Rick finally understood, it all clicked into place much like it had last time. "Daryl," he growled. "You're Daryl."

It must have been the answer Daryl had been seeking because he thrust into him once more, falling right back into the pace he had left off. Stroking that same spot that sent shivers of pleasure down Rick's spine. And he was done for. His body began to spasm, his cock pulsing and twitching as it spewed cum all over the sheets. He felt Daryl groan and his body seized up in pleasure, his naked chest braced against Rick's back as he fought for steady breaths.

He pulled away from Rick and they both toppled to the bed, their chests heaving from the exertion. Rick felt stretched out and sore. It hurt, but it wasn't anything that he couldn't handle and truth be told he kind of liked it.

Like he always had after great sex, Rick felt his eyelids begin to droop and he fought against it.

"Ya need some sleep," Daryl remarked.

Rick scoffed, "Anybody ever tell you that you're obnoxiously bossy in bed?" He smiled teasingly at Daryl.

"Fuck you," Daryl retorted.

"Just did."

"Christ! I might be obnoxious, but you're a smartass!"

Rick chuckled as Daryl stood and began putting his clothing back on. Rick knew that he should move or at the very least get dressed, but he just didn't have the energy all of a sudden. His whole body felt drained and he blinked several times in an effort to stay awake. He mumbled something about Daryl getting some rest as well, but he wasn't sure that Daryl understood him even though he glanced in his direction.

His last thoughts before succumbing to sleep were that he really ought not to take the risk of getting caught in Daryl's bed naked by any of the others. He never made it up though and he felt sleep pull him under moments later. He would worry about the other stuff later after he got some rest.

...


	4. Chapter 4

...

Daryl watched Rick and Carl talking out of the corner of his eye, admiring the way that Rick tried to relate to Carl. In some ways it made him sad, but also a tinge jealous. Daryl hadn't ever had that kind of relationship with his own father, hadn't ever craved it until he watched those two together. Rick made it all seem so easy and sometimes it made Daryl wish for a kid of his own... _sometimes_.

The thought of kids scared yet excited him all at the same time. A part of him feared being the same kind of father that his own was, but another part of him was determined to break the cycle. He thought a lot of Carl and they got along really well for the most part. It was easier for Daryl to relate to other people's kids because there was never that worry in the back of his mind, that pressure not to screw up. Usually he was never around other kids long enough to have to worry about making a bad impression on them.

He watched Rick swipe at Carl's hat, reaching down with his hand to ruffle the boy's hair affectionately. Carl scowled, but Daryl could see the smile teasing the edges of his mouth. He felt a weird flutter deep down the more he stared, his eyes more on Rick than anything else. He had replayed last night's event over and over in his mind like some kind of movie that he had just watched and couldn't wait to see again.

He had opened up to Rick more last night than he had ever opened up to anyone before. Normally something like that might scare him shitless, but with Rick it was different. Everything with Rick was always different. He had trusted Rick, more so now than he ever had before. He finally felt like he could be himself, could release all of that tension that had been just building up inside of him. It was a freeing feeling, something that he definitely wasn't used to.

"You're awfully happy over here," Carol commented as she took a seat on the grass next to him.

He glanced over at her, reluctantly dragging his eyes away from Rick. He slid his knife back across the sharpening block he held in one hand and shrugged. "Sun's out, got food in our bellies...just seems like a good day to be happy," he replied.

She smiled and nudged his shoulder playfully, "You're right. I think this is the first full day of sunshine we've had in a while. It definitely boosts your mood, something we could all use at this point."

He nodded in agreement. "Can't stay here much longer though. Gonna have to find more permanent shelter, especially 'fore Lori has that baby."

They both looked across the yard to where Lori was sitting on the porch, listening to Hershel as he talked. "I don't know if we can make it another six months on the road again, Daryl," Carol said softly.

He looked at her... _really_ looked at her and he noticed for the first time how thin she had gotten. He immediately scanned the others in the yard, taking note of their slightly gaunt looking features and much leaner figures. He sighed deeply and drug his blade into the blades of grass between his legs, trying to come up with a feasible solution.

"You're right," he said suddenly, his abruptness startling her. He stood and held out a hand to help her to her feet. "Gonna go talk to Rick a minute, you good?"

She nodded, smiling her easy smile at him. Once again he was struck by how easy it would be for him to love a woman like Carol, but unfortunately she just didn't have what he needed...what he _craved._ She deserved someone who could give her their all and not someone who would never fully be happy. She was the best friend he had ever had and he supposed that deep down he really did love her, but it wasn't in the way she needed. It made him feel guilty and he fidgeted nervously.

"Of course," she replied. "I'll catch up with you later."

He nodded at her and turned around, his eyes meeting Rick's as he strode across the yard. Rick must have seen something in his gaze because he hugged Carl to him despite the boy's protests and they parted ways with Rick meeting Daryl halfway.

"What's up? Something happen?" Rick asked in a low voice, his eyes doing a quick scan.

"Nah," Daryl shook his head in reassurance. "Nothin' like that. Been thinking about that more permanent place though...I'm gonna head out first thing in the mornin', see what I can find."

Rick was already shaking his head no before Daryl was even finished with his sentence. "By yourself? Are you crazy?"

Daryl growled softly, not wanting to cause a scene. "I can handle it and I'm the fastest. They won't make it on the road again without a destination." Daryl let his stare scan the others that lingered in the yard and Rick followed his gaze.

Rick briefly closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before planting both hands on his hips. "You're a pain in my ass, you know that?"

Daryl blinked in surprise, studying Rick until he saw the hint of a teasing gleam in his blue eyes and he fought back a grin. "In more ways than one Sheriff," he whispered in a gravelly voice.

Rick chuckled, his face flaming and he diverted his gaze in an attempt to compose himself. Daryl knew he was remembering what it felt like to be fucked by him and it made his own body stiffen in response. He cleared his throat as he attempted to discreetly shift his body and hide the fact that he was getting an erection out in the middle of the yard.

"You're not going out there alone Daryl. You know what happened last time. No one travels alone."

Daryl's expression hardened. "You're not my keeper... _Rick_."

Rick stared at him coolly, not backing down in the slightest. "You want to play this game, then we'll play it, but you're not going out there alone. I won't lose you again." Rick never gave him a chance to respond before he turned on his heel and stalked away, leaving Daryl standing by himself, a mounting pit of anger blooming in his belly.

He was pissed at Rick, something he hadn't been in a long time. But what irritated him the most was that even though he was pissed, he wanted Rick. He wanted him badly and he couldn't quite wrap his mind around that. He knew one thing though - come morning he was heading out to find a safe locale for the group...whether Rick Grimes liked it or not.

...

Daryl was up just before sunrise with the intention of skipping out before Rick could get any wild ideas. He shouldered his crossbow and slipped out of the back door, nodding to Glenn as he jogged down the porch steps. So far, so good.

"Hey, where you goin'?" Glenn called out behind him.

Daryl turned in his direction, but didn't break stride. "Goin' out on a run, scout out some locations. I'll be back as soon as possible."

"Does Rick know?"

Daryl's jaw clenched tightly over that question and he nodded his head yes. Of course Rick knew. He just didn't mention how Rick hadn't thought it was a good idea is all. Without waiting for anything else to be said, Daryl slipped into the cover of the woods, releasing a deep breath as he did so. The woods were his habitat, the one place that always accepted him, never judging him for his actions. The woods were freedom on so many different levels.

He kept his mind half on the area around him and half on Rick, feeling slightly guilty for leaving like that. But really, what did Rick expect? Certainly Rick had to know that Daryl wasn't likely to listen to him once he got his mind set on something. And Daryl knew he could do this with no problem so why drag anyone else along with him? They were running on fumes as it was and Daryl hadn't been kidding about being faster on his own.

The raspy sounds of a walker filled his ear and he scanned the terrain, his eyes falling on the culprit. A half-rotted walker corpse was lying on the ground, its legs gone and both hands clawing wildly in the air in Daryl's direction. Daryl stopped just out of reach, staring down at the mutilated remains and shaking his head at the sharp sound of snapping teeth. He didn't know what possessed him to stop and study this one, particularly since he never usually batted an eyelash at the things. But for some reason he was entranced by it and in a way he pitied it. It was simply stuck in one place forever, dying a slow death from starvation. Daryl sighed and slipped his knife free, jamming it up through the chin and ending its suffering forever.

More sounds came from the woods behind him and Daryl grabbed his crossbow, aiming in that direction as he waited for it to come out of the brush. Instead he was greeted with the image of Rick as the sheriff stepped free of the brush and came to an immediate stop upon seeing the crossbow directed at his face. Daryl rolled his eyes and lowered his weapon, staring at Rick in disbelief.

"The hell, Rick? You tryin' to wake up everything within a ten mile radius?" Daryl growled.

Rick's expression portrayed his frustration and he placed both hands on his hips. "I thought we had an understanding."

Daryl's brow creased in confusion, "An understanding?"

"I told you that you weren't comin' out here alone yet you took off first thing this morning. That was a stupid move, Daryl."

Daryl huffed and began pacing the small clearing, his mood souring. "And I told _you_ that you weren't my keeper, _Rick._ " Rick walked towards him, but Daryl met him head-on, both of their features masked with anger and irritation. Daryl was not backing down on this. "You got somethin' to say to me?"

"You're a pain in my ass Dixon," Rick said in a low voice and Daryl bristled at the comment. He opened his mouth to reply, but Rick shoved him backwards until his back hit the trunk of a tree. He shook his head in bewilderment at the change of pace and the fact that Rick had shoved him. Rick used the opportunity to spin Daryl's body around so that he was facing away from him. Rick stepped into him, pressing his whole body fully against him. "Maybe I wanted you to ask me to come. You ever think of that?" Rick's voice whispered close to his ear, his warm breath tickling his skin.

Daryl's irritation was diminishing and now he was just getting more aroused by the minute. He pressed himself firmly back into Rick and heard the barely audible intake of breath in return. "You're here now," Daryl's voice was low and husky, "So if you're gonna do somethin' then get on with it...got shit to do." He was taunting Rick, knowing that the other man was clearly turned on as evidenced by the hardness pressing against him. He liked it when Rick got rough like the first time back at the church. Rick had lost control somewhat, but fuck if it hadn't turned Daryl on. He wanted Rick to lose control again, to let his guard down and unleash his anger.

"What, here?" Rick asked in a low tone.

Daryl shrugged, "Good a place as any. Unless you're gonna pussy out an' in that case like I said I got shit to do." Daryl made as if to turn around, but Rick placed one hand on his shoulder and shoved him back into position.

"No. You deliberately ignored my feelings on the matter." Rick grumbled to himself and Daryl heard the telltale sign of a zipper being jerked open. Lean hands slid around his waist and his belt was worked open, followed by his button and zipper. He sucked in a breath when his jeans fell to his ankles and Rick grasped his cock in his hands, stroking the smooth skin. He closed his eyes as Rick began to stroke him...up, down, over and over. It felt so good and his teeth bit into his bottom lip in an effort to hold back his groans of pleasure. He felt Rick's length slide against him from behind and he hissed through his teeth. "You think I wanna go through what happened last time again? When you got separated from the group and we didn't know if you'd _died_?" Rick growled low into his ear.

"Tryin' to say I can't handle shit on my own?"

"No. I'm trying to say that you shouldn't be _stupid_ about it," Rick snapped. He continued to work Daryl over with one hand while the other he used to stroke his cock against Daryl's ass. "Stroke yourself," Rick demanded suddenly. "I need to fuck you."

Daryl gritted his teeth in response as his whole body hardened in response to that statement. He slipped his hand over his cock in place of Rick's and began to slowly jerk himself off. Rick began rubbing over him from behind, slipping one small finger into Daryl, slowly sinking it in and out. He didn't stop stroking him while he slowly worked to stretch him open and Daryl flinched as Rick slid his shirt up just an inch to bite at his skin.

"Goddammit," Daryl panted. "You take a class on this shit or somethin'?"

"I remember somebody sayin' that it was just like a woman." Rick added another finger and Daryl's head fell forward, a low moan escaping his lips. "That feel good?" Rick whispered.

"Fuck you, you know it does," Daryl murmured in response and Rick chuckled.

His cock was throbbing and his strokes were slowing as his body began to heat to an inferno of a temperature. His body began pressing back against Rick's hand and he was powerless to stop it. Not that he wanted to at this point.

"I'm ready," Daryl said gruffly.

"You sure?" Rick was hesitant.

Daryl growled in response, but before he could bite out a reply, Rick was lining himself up and pushing slowly into him. Daryl's hands rose up to steady himself against the tree and he breathed in and out slowly as he tried to keep his body relaxed. He was able to accept all of Rick without too much effort, but he had to take a moment to allow his body to adjust. Rick reached around and stroked over his cock once again, sliding out of him slowly while he was distracted. Desire began to unfurl in Daryl's belly, leaking into his bloodstream until he began to push back to meet Rick's thrusts.

"Harder," Daryl ordered.

Rick obliged him, angling his body to thrust more deeply inside of him. Daryl let out a primal growl as the pleasure increased and he dug his fingers into the bark of the tree, his breath coming out in harsh pants. One of Rick's hands pressed down firmly onto his back, holding him in place while the other dug into his hip.

"Shit," Rick muttered. "Not gonna last...feels too fucking good."

That was all the warning that Daryl received before Rick thrust inside of him once more, coming apart at the seams as he spilled himself inside of Daryl. Daryl let out a breath, his brain still numb with barely unleashed desire and he glanced down at his hard cock in aching despair as Rick pulled out of him. Daryl turned around, still braced against the tree, watching as Rick cleaned himself off and zipped back up. Gritting his teeth, Daryl bent down to grab his pants, intending to finish the job later.

"Wait."

Rick crossed over to him, prohibiting him from covering himself and Daryl watched with hooded eyes as Rick dropped to his knees before him. They were silent as Rick grabbed him, twisting his hand over the hard flesh before sliding his mouth onto him and sucking him down deep. Daryl let out a sigh and his head fell back against the tree in pleasure. One of Rick's fingers found its way inside of him and he teased Daryl with small strokes as his tongue fluttered around him. Daryl shoved his hand into Rick's hair and gripped it tightly, gently nudging him faster. Rick sped up, sinking another finger into him at the same time.

"Fuck yes," Daryl hissed.

His body heated to an almost unbearable temperature and sweat broke out across his forehead. Rick took him deeper then and Daryl's brain spiraled into blackness as the pleasure heightened to new extremes seconds before he let go. Rick held steady as Daryl fucked his mouth, pumping his cum down his throat until he was spent. Rick pulled free of him, gasping for breath and Daryl leaned heavily into the tree for support, his legs shaky. He hadn't ever experienced anything like that before.

Rick wiped at his mouth and chuckled softly, climbing slowly to his feet with a smirk. Daryl eyed him as he pulled his pants back on. "Somethin' funny?"

Rick shook his head, but he still wore that same damn smirk on his face. "I was just thinkin'," he replied. "I came out here completely pissed at you, ended up fucking you and now I can't even remember why it was that I was mad."

The corners of Daryl's mouth turned up as he shouldered his crossbow, a tension he hadn't noticed before having left his body. "So what you're sayin' is that next time you're pissed at me I should jus' let you fuck me, that it?" His eyes were twinkling with amusement.

"Won't hear any complaints from me."

Daryl snorted, "Yeah, I know how to shut that up too." He nodded to Rick's mouth and watched his face turn red.

Scanning the woods, Daryl took several steps back in the direction he had been heading before Rick had come along. He barely glanced behind him as he began to head deeper into the cover of the trees. "If you're comin' then ya best hurry. Want to get this done as quick as possible."

He heard Rick's boots behind him and he shook his head in amusement. It wasn't that Rick was that loud, but Daryl had spent nearly his whole life in the woods and compared to him, Rick might as well have been singing at the top of his lungs for all the noise that he was making. He didn't say anything though and he slowed his pace a little so that Rick fell into step beside him and together they continued on in a companionable silence.

They passed very few walkers along the way and they took turns taking them down. Daryl really had no idea what his plans were and he was hoping that he could bypass the heart of the next town and hopefully find something they could take shelter in on the outskirts.

A part of him was secretly glad to have Rick along, but another part of him was constantly distracted by the other man. He was more guarded, constantly trying to keep one eye on Rick while keeping another eye out for possible danger. It was one of the reasons why he had tried to leave him behind, but apparently Rick Grimes was a stubborn man.

"Hey," Rick placed one hand in front of Daryl, hovering next to his belly and Daryl instantly stopped, his whole body on alert. He followed Rick's gaze and frowned, both of them subconsciously stepping forward through the trees for a closer look. They stepped out into a small clearing and just stared. Rick let out a low laugh and Daryl smiled in response as the other man clapped him on the shoulder. Exchanging a glance, they knew without speaking that they had just found their answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So before you all jump me about continuing, do not worry, I have plans to continue this one at least a few more chapters. LOL...Again, thanks so much for reading, the support is tremendous and very encouraging. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Busy day today, but finally managed to get a few moments to finish this and get it posted. Thanks again for all of the support! You guys ROCK! Can't wait for the midseason finale tonight! Enjoy! :)

"Holy shit," Glenn whispered in awe, "It's out in the middle of nowhere."

Rick nodded, his eyes cutting to Daryl as he stood at the edge of the fence with the others possibly looking at their new home. Daryl was standing away from the others, one strong hand wrapped around his crossbow, his eyes continuously skirting the perimeter. Rick wanted to pull him closer into the group, but he knew Daryl wouldn't like that so he left it alone.

"That's a good thing," Rick responded to Glenn. "We don't want anyone knowing it's here. I figure we can make our way inside and clear these walkers out."

"It looks dangerous," Lori commented, her face creased with worry.

Rick rubbed two fingers across his chin, fighting back the need to snap at the woman that he used to love. It was getting harder and harder every day just to look at her because every time he did all he saw was Shane. Thankfully, he didn't have to respond because Daryl did it for him.

"Hell everything's dangerous these days. If it ain't this, it's gonna be somethin' else. Winter will be comin' soon and we need somewhere safe to bed down. I say we give it a shot," Daryl commented.

The others all glanced his direction, murmuring and nodding amongst themselves. Daryl didn't normally speak out among the others and it made Rick appreciate his support even more. Some days it was absolutely terrifying to him to be in charge of all of these people. Every decision that he made had the potential to either make or break them as a group. That was a lot of weight for one person to carry around.

"Rick," Hershel spoke from beside him. "If you feel that this is best for the group then we'll do what we can to help."

Rick nodded at him, comforted by the easy acceptance of them all. He hadn't really expected conflict, but he still hadn't known how the others might react. After all, he was talking about making a home out of a prison and that alone was no easy task. He threaded his fingers through the chain link fence and stared inside, mentally calculating the amount of walkers that staggered throughout the large yard. He was excited about this...excited to finally have somewhere large enough to house them all and fences to keep the walkers at bay. He was picturing everything in his mind already, his adrenaline mounting with each moment that passed.

"Alright, here's what we'll do. Glenn, cut a hole into the fence here for us to step through. Once inside this area, I want Lori, Carl, Hershel, and Beth to make as much noise as possible to attract the walkers away from the next gate. The rest of us will slip inside and take them down. I'm gonna make a run for the gate at the top of the hill, trap those walkers inside until we get this area clear. We'll discuss what to do next when we're done. Any questions?" Rick looked at each of their faces, hating the exhaustion and hunger he saw in their eyes, but needing them to push just one step farther. Just one more and then they could all rest.

"You're gonna need someone to cover you," Daryl murmured near his ear as the others began filing into the cut in the fence.

"Just focus on eliminating the walkers. I can handle it," Rick replied. When Daryl didn't respond Rick sighed, "You're not gonna listen to me are you?"

"Nope," Daryl replied curtly.

Rick leaned closer to speak into his ear, not wanting their conversation to be overheard or misinterpreted. "Just watch your ass. Don't need you getting hurt...and no heroic shit either."

Daryl looked over at him with a smirk, "That sounds like a threat."

Rick smiled, "Take it as a warning. Just remember what happened the last time you pulled a stunt like that."

"You two comin'?" Glenn asked from the other side of the fence and Rick quickly straightened, shooting Daryl a pointed look and noting the heat flashing in his eyes.

"Let's do this," Rick stated.

...

"Grimes!" Daryl called out as he approached Rick, "You've walked the perimeter eight times. I think it's safe."

Rick stopped, letting Daryl catch up to him and he chuckled, shaking his head at Daryl. "Only eight? Better go at least two more to round it off."

"Smartass," Daryl retorted with a smirk. "Ya need to come sit and rest. Big day tomorrow." He gestured to the inner gate that circled directly around the prison itself. Rick followed his gaze and let out a deep breath, glancing toward the others who sat in a circle around a fire.

"I'll be along shortly," Rick replied.

Daryl cocked his head to the side, studying Rick intently. Rick's body was filled with tension and unconsciously Daryl's body heated, just thinking of ways that he could relieve that tension for him. Rick began to walk again, but Daryl thrust out his hand, stopping him in his tracks.

"What's goin' on?"

Rick braced one hand onto the fence and looked out into the night, not responding to Daryl for a few minutes. Daryl shifted his crossbow that was always attached to him in one way or another and waited him out.

"I'm not ready to go over there Daryl," Rick finally replied.

"Why not?"

Rick finally swung his gaze to Daryl, their eyes connecting for a brief moment. "Because I can't face her," he stated hoarsely. "I can't see that look in her eyes."

"Whose eyes? Lori?" Daryl asked.

Rick nodded as he chewed on his bottom lip, worrying the skin with his teeth. The action was innocent, but it made Daryl want to throw him against the fence and give them both some much needed stress relief. Except he couldn't do that, not with the others so close by and that aggravated him. Part of him wanted to be with Rick openly, but a much bigger part of him was freaked out by that revelation. He wasn't one for public displays of affection and the fact remained that Rick was a man...the others likely wouldn't understand. Hell, Daryl wasn't even sure  _he_  understood it.

"Yeah...Lori," Rick clarified. "She's been giving me these looks all day like I'm killin' her by not talking to her. She's playing the supportive wife, but I can't do it. I can't go down that road again. All I see is Shane and the betrayal...I thought I could do it for Carl, but I can't."

Daryl stared off into the distance as he contemplated Rick's words. Talking about Lori made Daryl nervous and he would be lying if he said he wasn't scared that Rick might decide he didn't want him and get back together with Lori instead. Daryl wouldn't blame him if he did because they had a kid...they had a family, but damn if it didn't hurt him to think about it. He didn't want to be someone's second choice or someone's distraction.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did," Daryl commented softly.

Rick's gaze whipped to his, the tendons in his neck prominent as he stared holes into Daryl. "What are you saying? Are you telling me to make it work?" Rick demanded.

Daryl stepped closer, blocking Rick's view of the others in a way to ensure that their conversation remained as private as was possible. They were standing as close as possible without it looking intimate.

"You do what you need to do. You got a family...I respect that."

Rick pushed just a tiny bit closer. They were pushing the limit in the open like they were, but neither of them could look away.

"My family is broken. Things change, people change. You're a part of my family now and Lori isn't what I want," Daryl looked away, but Rick nudged his shoulder. "Look at me," he demanded, " _She isn't what I want._ "

Daryl stared at Rick,  _really_  stared at him, searching for and finding the truth within his eyes. Rick didn't want Lori. The answer was there for anyone to see if they bothered to look hard enough. He blew out a breath he hadn't even realized that he was holding.

"Alright," he mumbled in reply. It wasn't very convincing, but that was the best that he could do right now. He wasn't used to having this much emotion run through his veins.

...

Cleaning out the prison was no joke.

Rick wiped the sweat from his brow with his forearm, grimacing as he felt walker gunk smear in its place. Himself, Daryl, T-Dog, Maggie, Glenn, and Hershel were making their way through the tombs, nicknamed 'The Pits of Hell' in his own mind. There were walkers everywhere, stumbling around every corner they encountered, the flow of them never-ending it seemed. It was dark, musty, and smelled vaguely rotten combined with the scent of their own sweat that poured from every cell of their bodies.

He wouldn't give up though...wouldn't throw in the towel in defeat - not yet. The numbers were dwindling, the throes of walkers diminishing giving the others much needed moments of rest. They alternated taking them out and Rick tried to keep an eye out for everyone especially Daryl, but it was hard. Especially since Daryl tried to take it upon himself to take the walkers out, his biceps shaking with exhaustion.

"Looks like the last corner," Rick whispered to them as they rounded the hallway, a sign with an arrow stating exit pointing out the end to this nightmare. At least he hoped like hell it was the end.

He cast his eyes over them, waiting on them to acknowledge that they were ready for the next leg of their battle. Because that's what it felt like: a battle. This wasn't merely a fight...this was a full-blown war and they were merely soldiers in what to many would be called a suicide mission.

"You good?" Rick touched Daryl's shoulder, reassuring himself with the physical contact. Daryl met his eyes briefly, but nodded. He could always count on Daryl to push until his very body gave out and that's what scared him.

They formed a tight ring, weapons raised and began their descent. They were immediately interrupted by the shrill noise of an alarm going off, bright lights flashing above their heads.

"Son of a bitch!" Daryl's voice rang out amid the chaos.

"They're everywhere!" Maggie cried out immediately after.

Rick felt his whole body tense and he turned to tell the others to retreat, but walkers were filling into the space behind them from some unseen doorway and they were forced apart. Rick's heart thudded against his ribs and he looked around for anyone, desperate to keep them all within reach. Behind him he could hear the telltale signs of more walkers approaching and he knew he was about to be trapped in the middle. All he could think about was Carl, the group... and Daryl.

_Daryl._

"Come on!" Daryl's voice shouted in his ear and he felt himself being tugged backwards as he swiped at a walker that ventured too close for comfort.

He was thrown into blackness, the only sounds coming from his and Daryl's harsh breathing. The space was too small for him to pace and he resisted the urge to break out and try to fight the madness anyway.

"Ya alright?" Daryl's voice was low and Rick let a rush of air escape his lungs.

"Yeah, you?"

"I ain't bit," Daryl responded as if that were all Rick needed to know. "The others...they got pushed back when that herd broke through."

"Christ," Rick muttered, shoving his dirty fingers into his hair in an effort to retain his fragile grip on his sanity. "Carl and the others..." He let his voice trail off, scared to speak his sudden fears aloud.

He felt Daryl's hand fall to his shoulder and he reached up with his own, resting it on top of Daryl's with a firm grip. "They'll be fine," Daryl insisted firmly. "I need ya to stay with me. Can't have you fallin' apart," he mumbled.

Rick nodded even though Daryl couldn't see. He tried to focus his thoughts elsewhere, hating the fact that they couldn't go anywhere when his body was flushed with so much adrenaline and no way to release it.

"You're right," Rick whispered. "Fuck it, you're always right. You know how annoyin' that is?"

Daryl was silent for a moment and then he snickered, "Get used to it."

Rick chuckled and took several deep breaths, feeling his body relax just a smidgen. "Karma is a bitch."

"Why's that?" Daryl asked.

"I've wanted to get you alone since last night and do unspeakable things to you...things no man in his right mind should want. But this - this isn't exactly what I had in mind." Fucking Daryl was the last thing that Rick should have been thinking about he knew, but he couldn't help how his body responded to him. He was drawn to Daryl in a way that he hadn't been drawn to anyone before. It was overwhelming and at times he wasn't even sure of what he was doing...he just knew that he needed Daryl, any way that he could get him.

Daryl groaned, "I hate you so much for sayin' shit like that...especially right now."

"You're welcome," Rick chuckled.

...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I take it you all missed the smut last chapter, huh? Geez, you guys are insatiable, LOL. Hope you enjoy this update, not much more left of this one.

"What happened?" Rick demanded as he strode into the cellblock after the others. "Lori?"

Hershel stepped out of the cell he had been in, cutting Rick off from going inside just yet. They had just come out of the tombs and Carl had met them at the door, his face full of worry. Rick was more exhausted than he thought he had ever been, especially after fighting their way through the winding corridors just to find the panel room and shut off the blaring alarm. They were all covered in walker gore, but they were alive and Rick was grateful for small favors. That is...until he had come in and seen the worry on his son's face. His whole body had instantly gone on the alert.

"She's stable," Hershel said firmly, pushing Rick back away from the doorway. "She's been having contractions though and I think that you and I need to speak privately."

Rick ran a hand through his hair, not even caring that he was likely smearing all kinds of gunk into it. If Hershel wanted to speak with him alone then that couldn't be good. Not that it surprised him in the least. Nothing about this day was going the way he would have wanted it to. Then again, that seemed to be every day for them lately. He was getting pretty tired of it.

Hershel stepped around the others and Rick followed, his eyes hitting on Daryl just once as they stepped far enough away that they were out of earshot of everyone. Rick braced both hands on his hips and tried to mentally prepare himself for what was to come.

"We've already discussed that Lori had problems giving birth to Carl and almost had to have a c section," Hershel began softly. "She's close to giving birth, Rick. It could be any day now really and I think you and I need to have a very real conversation."

"Isn't that what we're having?" Rick asked tiredly. "Is she okay?" As much as he resented her for everything that had happened, Rick didn't want any harm to come to her. He had loved her for most of his life...had thought that he would love her for the rest of it. She was still the mother of his child and he still cared about her. He just didn't desire her, not the way that he desired Daryl. Thinking about the hunter very nearly made his blood run hot and he forced his thoughts away.

"She's fine...for now. She's been having false contractions, but they could very well turn into real ones." Hershel's eyes were kind and it was killing Rick to stare at him.

"Just give it to me straight. Fuck...I can handle it Hershel. I just need to know. The baby...is the baby going to make it?"

"The baby's breech. I've just finished giving her a thorough examination. I told her and she seems to understand the implications, but I need you to understand as well. If the baby doesn't turn then that will mean a c section for her and quite frankly...I just don't think she will survive it. The odds aren't good without proper medical care or equipment."

Rick huffed and wiped one hand over the scruff accumulating on his face. "I don't understand. You told me you had delivered babies before. I trusted you. There must be something we can do, right? Why are you telling me this?" Rick clenched his teeth in frustration.

Hershel placed one hand upon Rick's shoulder, squeezing once to offer comfort. "I'm a veterinarian, Rick. I'm not a human doctor and I'll do the best that I can, but I can't guarantee her safety. I could get the baby out, but keeping Lori alive is a very different matter."

Rick swore under his breath and stepped away from Hershel a few paces to grab onto the metal bars of one of the cells. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Daryl watching him, but he didn't meet his gaze. He leaned his forehead against the bars, letting the cold metal soothe the burn of his skin. He was going to be a father soon...to a baby that very likely wasn't his and a mother that would more than likely not survive the birth. He wanted to laugh out loud at the stupid irony of it all. Was this God's way of punishing him? By having him raise a baby that wasn't his? He sucked in a deep breath.

"Rick," Hershel began.

"Just go," Rick muttered softly, his voice ragged. "I need some time."

"Okay," Hershel relented. "Don't take too long if possible. You need to talk to her."

"You don't know what I need!" Rick spun around to yell, startling the group members in looking his direction. He felt bad for yelling at Hershel when it so clearly wasn't his fault, but he was on edge and there was only one person that Rick could think of to take that edge off -  _Daryl_. Locking eyes with him, Rick strode across the concrete floor, grabbing Daryl firmly by the elbow. The action caught Daryl off guard and he stumbled, but allowed Rick to lead him out of the cellblock, the gate clanging shut behind them. Rick swiped a bottle of water from a table and led Daryl outside of the prison where he took a deep breath, finally releasing the hunter.

Rick uncapped the bottle of water and tipped his head back, pouring the liquid over his face and scrubbing with his free hand. He used just enough to feel somewhat clean again before passing the bottle to Daryl who mimicked Rick's actions with his own face. Rick began to walk then, not really sure where he was going, but just needing to do something that felt normal for once.

They had cleared all of the walkers from the inside of the fences, but several were still corralled inside of a smaller fence, but they had made sure to lock that one securely. It felt good to be able to walk around without fear of running into a walker. He relished the feeling of not having to think and to be able to let his mind drift. Behind him, he could hear Daryl's barely audible footsteps following him.

He finally came to a stop behind the prison several feet from the fence and he just stopped to stare into the woods. Nothing felt real to him in that moment. He needed to feel real again, but how? He was just one man trying his best to keep this group of people alive, but he kept getting the shit end of the stick.

"Rick?" Daryl stepped close behind him and Rick could feel the heat of his body.

Rick turned and met Daryl's eyes, lust burning brightly within his own blue orbs. Without a word, he began to push Daryl backward until his back collided with the brick of the building. Daryl's eyes darkened and Rick knew that he understood what he needed in that moment. This was why he and Daryl worked so well together.

Rick pressed his lips to Daryl's, his tongue forcing its way into Daryl's mouth. He braced both hands on the brick beside Daryl's head and took what he needed from the kiss. All thoughts of Lori, the baby, and death took a backseat to the lust currently driving his body. Daryl opened to him, pushing back with his own intensity as the kiss deepened. Rick's hands shook as they slid underneath Daryl's dirty and torn shirt to ghost over the hunter's ribs.

"Fuck," Daryl hissed, drawing the word out.

"Yes," Rick demanded insistently. "Fuck me. Drive it all away. Please." His eyes pleaded with Daryl and they stared at each other for several moments before Daryl nodded.

Rick relinquished the reins gratefully as Daryl flipped their positions and Rick found his own back pressed up against the wall. Daryl's warm breath fanned his face as he kissed Rick harshly, his lips bruising with need. Daryl was panting as his fingers tore at the buttons of Rick's jeans. He slid one knee between Rick's legs and pressed his body firmly against him, their erections prominent through their clothing. Rick moaned softly, throwing his head back as he gazed at Daryl with pupils dilated with lust.

"This what you want?" Daryl whispered huskily. "Want my dick in you? Want me to  _fuck_  you until you can't walk straight?"

Rick sucked in a breath, "All of those things."

Daryl's eyes flashed and he jerked Rick's jeans down, taking his underwear down with them. He moved to his own pants, his movements jerky and impatient.

"Turn around," Daryl ordered.

Rick complied, turning to face the brick, his hands slapping the wall with the force of his movements. He was so hard that he wasn't sure if he would even need to touch himself to get off this time. Just being manhandled was pushing him to the brink of spilling his load all over the bricks in front of him.

"I like you like this," Daryl whispered near his ear, "All splayed out for me...surrenderin' to me."

Rick could do but nod as Daryl's cock teased the crack of his ass, the head wet with his arousal. Daryl began to stroke it between his cheeks, lubing Rick up with his own arousal. His hand soon followed his cock and he eased a finger inside of Rick, slowly at first and then with more insistence.

"More," Rick demanded. He spread his legs wider, "I need more."

"Be careful what you ask for," Daryl replied as he added two more fingers, sliding them in and out to stretch Rick open for him. Rick hissed at the unexpected thickness and then groaned as the feelings inside of him grew stronger. Daryl kept his body flush against Rick's backside, his breath blowing hot on Rick's neck as they worked themselves into a frenzy.

"Now," Rick said hoarsely. "Fuck, do it now!"

"Since ya asked so nicely," Daryl retorted sarcastically. He lined himself up with Rick and pushed inside, breaking slowly past the tight barrier of muscles until he was fully seated inside of Rick. Daryl released a breath. "Christ, every time it's so fuckin' tight," he muttered.

Grabbing ahold of Rick's hips, Daryl thrust into him over and over. Rick's body rocked into the wall with each thrust, the light scrape of the brick ironically making him harder. God, he had needed this so badly. He needed the physical contact...he needed Daryl.

Daryl continued to pound into him, the occasional grunt or curse word spilling from his lips. Rick was drawing closer to orgasm and he still had yet to even touch himself. Behind him Daryl changed angles and Rick almost shouted with the pleasure it caused. He didn't know what in the hell Daryl was hitting, but it wasn't the first time he had. It seemed to feel even better this time if that was even possible though.

Daryl grabbed Rick's arms and banded them behind his back, almost as if he were handcuffed against the wall. Rick hadn't been sure what Daryl was trying to do, but whatever it was it worked because Rick's lust was doubled. He was  _so_  close to losing himself...so close.

"Mmm...you like that, huh? Like me takin' control and fucking you?" Daryl's words washed over him and it was the boost that Rick needed to send him spiraling over the edge. He came hard, ropes of cum hitting the brick wall as the waves of tension broke free of his body. Behind him, Daryl muttered under his breath and Rick could feel his warm cum filling inside of him. He had a brief thought of condoms, but then he figured that anything they could get from one another in no way rivaled what they were already experiencing so what did it matter anyway?

Daryl slipped out of him and released his arms, throwing Rick the rag he used to clean his crossbow to clean himself with. Rick accepted it gratefully, wiping his body clean of Daryl. Daryl took it back when he was done and folded it several times before swiping it over his soft cock. Rick righted his clothing, watching with minor amusement as Daryl shoved the rag back into his pocket.

"You're not really gonna keep that..." Rick gestured to the pocket that held the rag.

Daryl shrugged and then grinned, "Be good to clean the crossbow with...Shine it up real nice."

Rick's mouth dropped slightly and he arched a brow. Daryl slapped a hand on his shoulder, leaning in close, "Just fuckin' with you man. I'll clean it later. Good rags are hard to find."

Rick blinked and then shook his head. "Ass," he muttered under his breath.

Daryl just grinned and slapped him on the ass, making him wince slightly. "And a nice one at that." Winking at him, Daryl headed back to the prison and Rick followed. Now that he wasn't so wound up, he needed to go have a talk with Lori. After all, he still had responsibilities and a son to care for.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a bit to get out. I had a lot going on and it kind of got pushed to the side. Part of it was because I was busy and the other part was because this was just such a heavy chapter to write. I hope I captured all that I was aiming for in this. Just a reminder that this one won't have much more and the next update shouldn't be so far away this time. Thank you for sticking around if you're still here. Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas :)

The first thing that Rick noticed upon entering Lori's cell was the worry that seemed etched onto her face. He had passed Carol briefly in the corridor and she had informed him that Lori's contractions had slowed. That was a good thing.

He paused just inside of the doorway, letting his eyes drift over her face for a moment before he glanced away. He slowly crossed the small room and sat down on a crate located next to her bed, rubbing at his face wearily. He wasn't prepared for this, didn't know how to handle the very real possibility that he would lose his wife. It didn't matter that they were hardly speaking anymore or that he didn't feel the same kind of love for her he once had. She was the mother of his _child._ He felt the slightest touch of her hand upon his knee and he resisted the urge to pull away, to retract inside of himself. He didn't want her to see just how much he had withdrawn from her. He dipped his head, staring down at the cement floor as if it held all of life's answers.

She spoke before he could, her voice soft and weak, so very weak. "I've spent a lot of time thinking and I want you to know that it's okay." Rick's head snapped up sharply, questions blazing beneath the blue depths as his eyes searched hers. "I know you've moved on Rick," she paused and closed her eyes for the briefest of moments before opening them and gazing at him once more. "It's okay," she repeated as if she sensed that he needed to hear it again. Her eyes shown with tears and he was compelled to reach out to try and swipe them away, but she pulled back and shook her head at him.

Rick opened his mouth to speak, his jaw dangling in mid-air as he struggled to put to words everything that he was feeling. Nothing seemed adequate. What would he do if something happened to her? More importantly, what would his son do? Carl needed his mother, even if he didn't act like he wanted her around these days. It seemed like a cruel twist of fate to lose someone over something so trivial when so many others were dying from the flesh eating monsters lurking just outside of their fences.

"I know you've got questions," Lori began softly, drawing his attention back to her, "I know that things between us aren't the same...that they can never be changed. But, I've also sensed a change in you these past few weeks - a good change. You're happier, Rick and things between us are still the same so I started paying more attention...I noticed things, subtle things, but they're there if anyone bothers to look for them. I know these things because we used to act that way with each other." Her voice choked off a little and he swallowed hard, fighting back against the swell of emotion that threatened to surface.

"Daryl..." The one name that held so much emotion for Rick. The one man that held the ability to build him up to substantial heights yet tear him down to pieces if his heart so desired. It scared the shit out of him. Lori nodded, confirming without saying it aloud. "Why are you so calm about this? If you knew then-" Rick couldn't finish his thoughts, couldn't ask her why she hadn't felt the need to spill his and Daryl's secret.

She swiped under her eyes with the pads of her thumbs, "I suspected as much, but it caught me off guard so I really wasn't sure about it at first. Then when I actually had time to think about it I realized that it made sense, you and him. And I'm calm because I have no right to be anything but that...what I did to you, it was awful and I live with that guilt every day." Her hand reached out and cold fingers clasped over the top of his own, grasping for strength. He flipped his palm over and twined their fingers together, unable to deny her at least that much. "I'm so sorry for everything," she whispered.

Rick looked at her and it tore at him. Dragging his hand from hers, he stood and paced the tiny room, anger pulsing through his veins now. It wasn't aimed at her directly, but more at the situation as a whole.

"What you did," Rick's voice was firm, but laced with hurt as well, "I don't think I can ever forgive you for that."

"I understand," Lori said softly.

Her easy acceptance of his anger only spurred him on further and he slammed his fist against the wall, ignoring the pain that lanced through him as a result. "Stop! Just stop saying that," he hissed. "You don't understand because I've never told you. Finding out that you were with Shane after all I went through to find you and our _son_? Don't pretend like you _understand_ how angry I am, how much _resentment_ I carry around because my wife," he spat, "was _fucking_ my best friend!" His hands shook and he threaded his fingers together behind his neck, forcing himself to breathe. It was deathly quiet inside of the prison and he was pretty sure that anyone still inside could hear every bit of their conversation such as it was.

Lori was openly crying now, her body shaking with tears and Rick pinched the bridge of his nose to hold back his own. This was what they had been reduced to. They could never seem to hold a conversation anymore without it coming back to _this_ , back to the infidelity that had occurred. He had often wondered if the apocalypse hadn't happened, would Lori have still gone to Shane during one of their many arguments? He shook his head at the thought.

Letting out a deep breath he retained his seat once more and waited until she had regained some control over her own emotions. She made no more moves to touch him, choosing to play with the frayed edges of her blanket instead. A long stretch of silence commenced between the two of them before she spoke again.

"Will you tell Carl?"

Rick sighed, "Eventually, yes." He still had yet to figure out how he was going to broach that topic with his son. Their was an underlying fear of rejection and that kept nagging at him.

"Good. It's best to wait a bit. He doesn't need to know anything right now...doesn't need anything else to worry about. If this-" she gestured to her protruding belly, "-goes badly then he's going to need his father. He's a strong boy, a _good_ boy, but he still has so much to learn about life. Teach him how to survive, Rick...in case something happens to the both of us. He needs to know how to make it in this world and you're the best person to teach him...Daryl too."

Her words surprised Rick. He was certain that she hated Daryl or at the very least thought him to be very rude. He tried to envision himself and Daryl with this new baby and Carl...teaching them both everything they needed to know to have a chance at survival in this cruel world. He hadn't ever seen Daryl with a baby, but the image he had in his mind wasn't unpleasant. He had come to rely on Daryl so much...the amount of respect and warmth he had for the man was astounding. It was so easy with Daryl...so black and white that he wondered how he had ever gone through life without someone like him by his side before.

"Do you love him?"

Lori's question rattled Rick and he raised his brows in mild surprise. Did he _love_ Daryl? They hadn't discussed much beyond their physical needs and desires. And what if he did love him? What then? Daryl wasn't the type to show much emotion...would the admission make him back away from Rick? Would he withdraw and end things between them? Christ, so many questions...so much uncertainty.

"I...I could love him," Rick admitted breathlessly. _Holy shit._

"Then you need to tell him."

...

Daryl walked the perimeter at a slow pace, occasionally glancing up at his surroundings as he made his rounds. He wasn't as focused as he should be, but then again his choice to take a stroll inside the fences had been more about keeping his mind off of other things. Like Rick's conversation with his wife.

He scowled at his thoughts and wondered for the hundredth time that hour if this was it for him and Rick. What if he and Lori somehow managed to work things out for the sake of the baby and Carl? Where would that leave Daryl? What did he and Rick really have anyway? A few fucks here and there and some shared conversation? Was that even enough to base a relationship off of?

Daryl knew that he felt something more for Rick, something deeper that scared him to try and explore. He wasn't used to these feelings and he wasn't even sure he was ready to venture further into...into what exactly? If Rick told him he was going to try and work things out with Lori, how would that make him feel?

His hands clenched into fists and he stopped at the path leading up to the inner gate, staring up as if he could see through the brick and into the cell with Rick and Lori. No, he didn't want to lose Rick. He was the first good thing to happen to Daryl in a long time and he wasn't ready to give that up. So many times Daryl had taken the shit end of the stick, content to grasp at the leftovers, but not this time. Rick made him feel things he hadn't anticipated feeling and Daryl wasn't willing to let that go.

He slipped inside of the prison, avoiding several stares from members of their group. The blanket draped across Lori's cell was still closed and he heard low murmurs coming from inside the small room. Bypassing the cell, he headed up to the room that Rick had claimed, stalking back and forth across the small space as he waited...hoping that Rick would go there first.

It didn't take long before Daryl heard the telltale signs of Rick's boots on the stairs and then Rick was there, his presence filling the doorway. Daryl took in his appearance, his unruly hair and haggard facial expression. He felt a sense of relief when Rick barely managed a small smile for him. It wasn't much, but it was enough to let Daryl know that things were still okay between them.

Then his eyes drifted to Rick's hand which dangled by his side, his knuckles raw and bloody. Daryl's eyes lanced back to Rick sharply as he crossed the small space and took Rick's hand in his own.

"What happened?" Daryl demanded roughly.

Rick's eyes finally left Daryl and traveled over his hand. He seemed surprised to see blood there and Daryl tugged him over to the cot, forcing him to sit. He rifled through Rick's belongings and retrieved a shirt that seemed relatively clean given the circumstances. He grabbed the water bottle on the floor by the bed and proceeded to clean Rick's hand, a comfortable, but heavy silence falling between them.

"I hit the wall," Rick finally croaked out.

Daryl paused in his ministrations and then he felt a smile tug at his lips. Shaking his head in disbelief he muttered, "Who won?"

There was a slight pause, "The wall." Rick chuckled lightly and their eyes met.

"Everything alright?" Daryl was nervous, but he tried hard not to let it show.

Their was a certain sense of calm to Rick's eyes, almost as if he had dumped out all of his emotions and now he was emotionally spent. Maybe things weren't so bad after all, Daryl thought.

"Everything is fine," Rick said as Daryl finished cleaning his hand and tore a small strip of shirt to wrap it and stop the bleeding. "I think I'm just going to lay here for a bit...rest my eyes." Daryl nodded and stood up, intending to give Rick his space, but Rick's fingers grazed his arm, stopping him. "Stay with me." It wasn't a question, but more of a request.

"What about the others?" Daryl glanced over his shoulder expecting to see someone playing privy to their conversation, but there was no one.

Rick shrugged, already settling his long body back onto the cot. "Don't need you to do anything...just stay. I need you." His words twisted something inside of Daryl's chest and he swallowed through a lump in his throat.

Daryl settled himself on the floor by Rick's bed and busied himself with his crossbow. "I'm here," he murmured, unsure if Rick even heard him through the sounds of his shallow breathing. They hadn't said much, but for now it was enough.

...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the long wait. I know I said it wouldn't be so long before I updated again, but I had some stuff and thangs going on and I was in the process of moving all of my work from fanfiction.net to here. I just haven't felt real motivated to write recently, but I'm not giving up. I appreciate all of the support! Hope you enjoy this one!

Rick wasn't sure how long he had been out, but as soon as his head had hit the hard pillow he had been a goner. He was feeling pretty good right now, especially now that he had actually gotten some uninterrupted sleep for once. He still felt a little groggy, but his body felt refreshed. He stretched his long body and yawned, fighting away the last remnants of his sleep induced coma. Rolling onto his side he saw that Daryl had fallen asleep next to the bed, his head leaned back against the mattress in what Rick was certain to be a very uncomfortable angle.

It touched him in more ways than he would have thought to see that Daryl had stayed, even more so that Daryl had obviously been uncomfortable, but _still_ had stayed. He remembered asking Daryl to stay, but he hadn't figured on Daryl staying _all_ night. Looking at him now, he was struck by the sheer beauty of the man as he slept slumped against the edge of Rick's cot. It struck him then...how much Daryl cared for him. It had been so long since he had taken the time to slow down and allow someone to watch over _him_ for once.

Edging his way off of the bed so as not to wake Daryl, Rick padded to the cell doorway and peeked his head outside of the curtain. It was still early yet, judging from the faint light barely streaming through the small prison windows that lined the top of the wall. Letting the blanket fall back into place, Rick padded over in front of Daryl, straddling his legs and squatting over him as he studied him in his sleep. A lock of hair had fallen near his eyes and Rick resisted the urge to brush it back.

He remembered the first time he had watched Daryl sleep. The night they had spent in that church and consequently the first time they had ever touched each other beyond friendly affection was one he would never forget. Rick wouldn't ever forget the way Daryl had matched him tit for tat, goading him with his words. Nothing had ever turned Rick on more than hearing Daryl talk to him like that. He wanted to hear it again...he wanted to make this man come undone again.

Shifting to his knees, Rick slowly unbuttoned Daryl's pants, sliding the zipper down as gently as possible. He wanted to have his mouth on him when he woke. With careful fingers he eased out the thick flesh of Daryl's cock, admiring the way the skin jumped at his touch, the flesh hardening beneath his fingertips. Rick wrapped his fingers around the length of him and pumped him once. Daryl's lips parted and he twitched in his sleep, a small noise drifting from his mouth.

Rick didn't waste another second before enveloping him with his mouth, sucking him to full hardness. Daryl's body twitched and Rick heard a low moan break free. He glanced up from between Daryl's legs and half-lidded blue eyes locked onto his. Daryl didn't push him away though and Rick focused his entire attention on bringing him to the brink of pleasure.

"Fuuucck," Daryl sighed as Rick swallowed him as far as he could.

Rick released him with a pop. "No time," he teased in response.

He was rewarded with Daryl's signature smirk that was cut short when Rick swirled his tongue over the tip of him. Daryl's hands slid into his hair of their own accord and he began to guide Rick's mouth on him, setting the pace that he wanted. Rick obliged, letting Daryl take over for the moment. This was what he wanted, to be used for Daryl's pleasure. He wanted Daryl to take what he needed from him. Just the thought of it was making him strain against the front of his jeans.

"Kinda risky doin' this here, ain't it?"

Rick's hand reached down to cup Daryl's balls as he pulled his mouth free to answer him. "Want me to stop?" He punctuated his question by giving a firm stroke to Daryl's shaft that had him arching off of the floor.

Daryl growled in reply, pushing Rick's mouth back onto him. "Less talkin'," he ordered. Rick chuckled and shifted around, seeking his own relief. "Unzip your pants," Daryl demanded suddenly.

Without breaking stride, Rick used one hand to unbutton and unzip his pants, his hard cock springing free. One of Daryl's large hands immediately wrapped around his hot skin and Rick nearly sighed with relief as Daryl began to stroke him in time with his mouth.

"Fuck, Rick. Fuck, fuck, _fuck,_ " Daryl panted. "Harder."

Rick doubled his efforts, his own release not far off. It wasn't the best hand job he had ever received considering the odd angle in which it was being given, but he was so hard that it really didn't matter. The combination of Daryl's husky voice combined with the groans that he was giving was enough to boost Rick over the edge. Rick's mouth tightened over the tip of Daryl's cock as strings of cum leaked all over Daryl's hand. Subsequently, Daryl arched further into his mouth, nearly cutting off his airway as he spilled his cum down Rick's throat.

Afterwards, they both sat panting on the floor as they recovered from their mutual orgasms. Rick leaned against the wall opposite of Daryl, not able to tear his eyes off of the other man. Rick finally reached for a towel that lay on the floor nearby and wiped himself dry before tossing it at Daryl who did the same. Rick climbed slowly to his feet after tucking himself back inside of his pants then reached a hand down to help Daryl to his feet. Daryl glanced up at him and snorted, ignoring the hand as he stood.

"Stubborn ass," Rick muttered teasingly.

Daryl's eyes cut to his, amusement flickering in the blue depths. "What's on the agenda today?"

Rick sighed, "Well, we need to clear out more of the prison and work on the fences, make sure there's no weakness..."

_I need to talk to Carl...check on Lori..._

Suddenly the day's tasks seemed overwhelming at best for Rick and he glanced back at the bed, wanting to crawl beneath the blankets and sleep for a decade. There was just so much to do and their numbers were so small. It was hard to decide who would do what and he hoped that everyone had enough strength for the tasks that needed completing. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes for a fraction of a second to think.

"I can handle the fences, maybe take Glenn with me to pick off some of those still corralled inside of that back lot. Narrow them down a bit," Daryl suggested.

Rick cracked open one eye to stare at Daryl, "You're taking Glenn?" He didn't come right out and say so, but he was a little hurt that Daryl hadn't asked him to go out with him. Granted, Daryl wasn't obligated to take Rick along everywhere he went, but he had just assumed...

Daryl leaned closer and planted one hand on the wall alongside Rick's body causing both of his eyes to open. "That jealousy I detect, Sheriff?"

Rick rolled his eyes, averting his gaze for a moment before meeting Daryl's eyes once more, "Maybe."

Daryl smirked and shook his head. "Only takin' Glenn because you need to stick close inside...cause of Lori an' all," Daryl explained.

Rick released a breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding. Everything Daryl said made sense and he felt stupid for having immediately gotten jealous like that. What the hell was wrong with him? This wasn't high school and it wasn't even his first relationship...if that's what they were calling it. He knew that he didn't want to be with anyone else that much was for sure. Daryl was _his_. The thought was making him aroused...again.

"Sorry for jumpin' to conclusions like that."

"Don't be. I kinda like it that you were jealous...But seriously, Glenn?" Daryl snickered.

Rick laughed, his blue eyes sparking with a humor he hadn't felt in days. The longer they stood there with Daryl leaning so close, his scent surrounding Rick, the more that Rick wanted him again. The air between them was growing thick with sexual tension and he could tell that Daryl was feeling it too as he shifted closer to Rick. Daryl's leg slid against Rick's, his prominent erection brushing against his own.

"Somethin' you need?" Rick asked in a low tone, his eyes never leaving Daryl's face.

"Mhm."

Rick decided to test this jealousy bit just a little bit more. "Just make sure when you're out there killin' walkers with Glenn that you keep your hands to yourself."

Daryl raised an eyebrow at Rick's words even as his eyes darkened with lust. "An' if I don't?" He challenged as he shuffled closer, molding their bodies together.

Rick couldn't contain himself anymore and he grabbed the back of Daryl's neck, jerking his mouth to his. He controlled the kiss, pouring every ounce of desire and need into it. Daryl met him head-on as his tongue ventured into Rick's mouth, caging him in with his body. They fought for dominance before finally surrendering to each other, drinking in the passion between them.

"Dad?"

Every cell in Rick and Daryl's body froze at the sound of Carl's voice. Rick's heart thudded like a steel drum inside of his chest. He didn't want to look...he didn't want to see his son standing there watching him kiss Daryl...watching him kiss _another man_. He didn't want to see it, but he knew without looking that Carl was there and he had _seen_.

Rick was forever grateful that Daryl still had his wits about him and pushed himself away from Rick in seconds, moving across the room with his back to them. Rick was left standing alone and at a loss for words. This wasn't how he had wanted Carl to find out...it wasn't supposed to happen this way. It had to be shocking to say the least for Carl to see his dad kissing another man when he hadn't even known that Rick had feelings for Daryl. _Shit._

_Shit, shit, shit._

Rick slowly raised his head and met his son's eyes, feeling the punch to the gut at the expression of confusion and underlying disgust on Carl's face. For once in his life, Rick - who was a born leader and communicator - was at a loss for words. He opened his mouth to try anyway, to say _something._

"Carl..."

"Shut up!" Carl yelled out suddenly, "Just save it! You're a _queer_?" Carl's voice quivered with anger and disbelief.

Rick saw Daryl flinch at Carl's word choice and he began to walk towards Carl, concern etched onto his face. Rick held out a hand to stop him, resting it lightly against Daryl's belly. Daryl's eyes shifted to his own and without a word he nodded at Rick. Running a hand through his hair wearily, his good mood having disappeared like the wind, Rick walked over to Carl to try again this time.

"Listen Carl, y-"

And then his son did something he had never done before in all of his thirteen years of life: he shoved Rick. The motion caught Rick off guard and he stumbled backwards, surprised at the action and strength in his son. Daryl righted him easily, his face a stony mask as he brushed past Rick.

"Have some respect!" Daryl raised his voice.

"No, _you_ have some respect!" Carl yelled back before storming from the room, leaving them both standing in a stunned silence.

If everyone didn't know by now what was going on, then by the day's end they would. The two men exchanged a look, neither of them having to say a word as they both thought the same thing.

_What now?_


	9. Chapter 9

...

Daryl watched in silence as Rick pinched the bridge of his nose, his face a mask of worry. He didn't know what to say to him, how to make the situation any better. Daryl's own thoughts were still reeling from what had just happened. Out of everyone in the prison Carl was the one to walk in on them. Somewhere deep in his gut he had known that doing anything there had been risky, but he hadn't been able to refuse Rick anything.

Seeing the hurt in Carl's face as well as the anger had cut Daryl like a knife. He could only imagine what that was now doing to Rick. What hurt Daryl the most was the way Carl had seemed so disgusted by it all. He himself wasn't disgusted by it, but it made him wonder just how everyone else would take the news when they found out. And it was only a matter of time before they all found out about it now that Carl knew. How would they react? What if they were so disgusted by everything that they asked him or Rick to leave?

"Fuck," Rick muttered softly, breaking Daryl free of his thoughts.

Daryl glanced at him uncertainly. He knew that Rick needed him, but he just wasn't sure how to comfort him without things getting sexual. He was still so new to being in a relationship. Wait.

_A relationship?_

He swallowed over the lump in his throat and settled for placing a hand upon Rick's shoulder. To his surprise Rick pulled away from his touch, the action causing a wall of hurt to travel through him. Daryl choked the feeling back, refusing to allow the emotion to control him.

"Rick-"

Rick shook his head, interrupting Daryl's thought process. "Don't. I have..." Rick paused with an expression of uncertainty. "I'll be back."

Daryl frowned, "Where you goin'?"

Rick didn't answer him as he left the cell, leaving Daryl standing all alone in the middle of the room. He hadn't expected Rick to withdraw from him so suddenly or for him to just leave him like this. For some reason the action gnawed at Daryl's gut. Why did it feel like Rick was about to pull away from him completely? He understood that Carl finding out was a big deal and that Rick would need some time with his son, but he wouldn't give up what they had...would he?

...

The only thing that Rick could think about as he walked briskly through the prison was Carl. He kept seeing his son's face replaying over and over in his mind. The hurt, shock, but most of all the  _disgust_ that had traveled Carl's features had been like direct blows to Rick's heart. He didn't know where Carl had gone to, but he knew that he couldn't face his son yet in his current frame of mind. He needed to get out of here, out of these cold concrete walls and beyond the fences. He needed to  _breathe_.

"Rick?" Maggie's face appeared before him causing him to come to a sudden halt.

He worked hard to keep his expression carefully blank, but inside he just kept wondering if she knew. Had Carl told anyone yet? Lori knew, but for some reason he trusted her not to say anything. His body bordered between fight or flight, his jaw twitching just slightly in anticipation of hurtful accusations.

"Yeah?" When he finally found his voice it surprised him how calm he sounded despite the inner turmoil swirling inside of him.

"T-Dog's on watch and I thought I would take Glenn with me to check for supplies in the tombs. I wanted to clear it with you first," she said.

It took her words a moment to process, but they still didn't give him the relief he craved. He couldn't even think about what needed to be done around here with what had just happened. He thought to ask her if she had seen Carl, but then he thought better of it. Best to just leave the boy be for a bit to cool off. It wouldn't do for him to find Carl and have them get into some kind of argument that might have been avoided had Rick simply waited a little longer until they both had time to think.

He found himself nodding, "Yeah, that's good." It crossed his mind that Daryl had mentioned taking Glenn with him for the day, but he didn't bring it up. "Listen, I'm going outside of the fences to set up some traps. Daryl's in charge until I get back so see him if you need anything, okay?"

If Maggie was surprised she hid it well. He could almost see the words flowing through her head, but she didn't speak them out loud.  _Daryl is always the one who sets the traps._ "Sure. Be careful out there."

He patted her shoulder awkwardly as he walked around her, heading for the exit. "You too."

Breathing a sigh of relief, he strode from the prison which was quickly feeling all too suffocating at the moment. He just needed to get away for a bit so he could think that was all.

...

He couldn't stop himself. He was still surprised at overhearing Rick tell Maggie he was going to set traps. Daryl  _always_ set the traps. Granted, Rick knew  _how_ to set the traps, but that wasn't the point. Everyone had their unofficial roles in the group and Daryl's role was to find their food.

So when Rick finally stepped outside of the gates and headed for the woods, Daryl gave him a few minutes head start before he followed. He was pretty sure that T-Dog was wondering what was up, but Daryl hadn't stopped to tell the man anything. He just knew that he wasn't about to let Rick go outside of these fences in his current state of mind. He wasn't losing Rick... _not today._

It wasn't hard to follow Rick's tracks considering that he wasn't being all that quiet. At this rate Daryl knew there was a high probability that Rick was going to draw in unwanted attention if he didn't ease up some. It didn't take him long to catch up to where Rick was and he made sure to keep himself partially hidden and Rick within his sight at all times.

Several walkers loomed too closely during their travel, but Daryl made quick work of taking them out silently with his bow. Rick never even seemed to notice that he had yet to kill one walker. Daryl shook his head as he crouched to pull another of his arrows out of a walker's head. He had just begun to wonder exactly how far Rick was going to go when he finally slowed to a stop. As he had the whole time, Daryl stayed out of sight, alternating between watching Rick and scanning the woods around them for threats. Rick kicked at the ground, muttering under his breath as he pulled his knife and began stabbing at a tree trunk.

At first it seemed that Rick was just working through his stress as he slammed his knife repeatedly into the bark. But as Daryl watched Rick's stabs became slower and more ragged, his breathing so labored that Daryl could hear it from where he stood still out of sight. One hand still gripped his knife that was stuck into the tree trunk, but he made no move to pull it out as he stared down at the ground below him. Unconsciously Daryl found himself moving closer with concern as Rick's shoulders shook slightly.

"Shit," Daryl breathed out.

Rick was crying.  _Crying._  How the hell was Daryl supposed to handle that? He didn't do well with crying women much less a crying man. However, Rick wasn't just any man or person for that matter. He was  _Rick_  and he was someone that Daryl cared very deeply about. Daryl did the only thing he could think to do - he stepped out of the brush and into Rick's point of view.

Rick's head snapped up and upon seeing Daryl he swiped at his eyes and avoided his gaze. His chest rose and fell rapidly, the only cue Daryl still had to how he was feeling. Daryl began to second guess his decision of showing himself because he wasn't sure where to go from there. What could he possibly say to comfort Rick right now?

"What are you doin' here?" Rick's voice was gruff, his features taut with stress.

"Came to make sure you didn't get yourself killed. You been paying any attention at all to your surroundings?"

Rick chuckled dryly, "What difference does it make? My son hates me. He called me a  _queer_ , Daryl."

"He called  _us_  queer, Rick. And how do you know he hates you? He's just spoutin' off because he's mad."

"I can't lose him. If something happens to Lori..." Rick paused to draw in a ragged breath. "I don't know what will happen. If he doesn't have his mother and hates his father then where does that leave him?"

"He'll come around." Daryl was trying to stay positive, figuring that this was what Rick needed. Besides, Daryl himself could use a little positive as well right now. He wasn't so sure that he believed that Carl would come around, but he was hoping like hell he would for Rick's sake at least.

"You shouldn't have followed me," Rick muttered.

That pissed Daryl off. "What? You tryin' to push me away?" With a hardened expression, Daryl stepped into Rick's space, butting him back against the trunk of the tree he had been hacking at. He should have known this was coming, should have expected it. Why had he even allowed himself to get so invested in this?

Rick pushed back, his own anger pulsing through. "You wouldn't understand," Rick growled suddenly. "You don't have kids."

Daryl's face twitched with shock and he involuntarily took a step backward. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come. They froze on the tip of his tongue like lead weight.

Rick seemed to understand the gravity of his words and he made as if to reach for Daryl, but Daryl jerked away from him. "Daryl..."

It was too late. The damage had been done. Rick's words had hurt, much more than Daryl really cared to admit...even to himself. Daryl might not have any kids that he could say were his, but he liked to think that Carl was his in a way. Hell everyone in the group had taken Carl under their wing, had guided the kid in one direction or another over the course of the last year or so. And maybe Daryl hadn't fathered Carl, but he had certainly spent time with the kid. He  _cared_  about Carl, so much so that if anything were to happen to Rick and Lori then Daryl wouldn't hesitate to look after him. To have Rick throw all of that in his face...he couldn't even begin to contemplate the hurt that accompanied that.

"You know what?" Daryl stepped close until he was but a hair's breadth from Rick, their lips almost reuniting in a lover's kiss. He waited until he was positive that he had Rick's undivided attention and then he delivered the only blow he could think of in that moment. " _Fuck. You_." The words might have seemed like a whispered caress except for the emptiness that accompanied them, the underlying hurt and anger that trembled just underneath the surface.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded," Rick began, but it was too late.

Daryl jerked away from him and just as quickly as he had appeared to Rick, he disappeared. Except this time he didn't head back towards the prison, but in the opposite direction. He needed time to think and he needed to be away from everyone else to do it. He wasn't sure how long he would be gone, but did it even really matter anymore? Merle had been right about the others back at the quarry. They didn't give a shit about two rednecks except when it came time to eat. That's all Daryl was to them: a meal ticket.

That burned.

.............

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes these chapters just have a mind of their own no matter the direction I start out thinking they will go in. Thanks for reading! Hang in there!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Susan who helped me with several details in this and the next chapter. You're awesome sauce. :)

...........

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Rick's angry roar echoed throughout the woods around him. 

He knew better than to be so loud, but he couldn't help himself. He had royally fucked up all around and now he wasn't sure how to fix it. Everything that was going wrong tumbled together around and around in his mind until he thought for sure that he would buckle under the weight of it all. Lori was getting ready to go into labor at any time now, his own son was disgusted by him, and now Daryl was pissed at him. 

He trudged back towards the prison even though he longed to follow Daryl and try to explain himself. He knew that would be pointless though. Daryl Dixon would be nearly impossible to track and he doubted that he would want to hear anything Rick had to say right now anyway. Maybe he would attempt to talk to Carl first...see if he couldn't try and patch up that relationship before it got much worse. His track record for screwing up was pretty high these days and he really wanted to clear the air with his son. Hopefully he could get Carl to come around and see that Daryl was who he wanted, who he  _needed_ , even if at this moment in time Daryl was angry with him. What else could go wrong? 

And as he approached the gates of the prison, he knew he shouldn't have asked himself that question. Because apparently there was a lot more that could go wrong and as T-Dog ran to the gate, his expression creased with worry, Rick felt his stomach clench painfully with apprehension.

"What's wrong?" Rick asked as the other man hurriedly unlocked the gate. 

T-Dog briefly met Rick's eyes, but he wouldn't hold his gaze and that alone made Rick's body tingle with alarm. He waited for the gate to swing open, time seeming to slow to a crawl before T-Dog responded to his question. 

"It's Lori."

...........

Daryl slammed the blade of his knife into the rotted brain of a walker, taking the mutilated corpse down as if it were nothing. His mind was working on autopilot, taking down walker after walker as he worked through the stress of the day. It wasn't even halfway over and already he was wishing tomorrow would come. Either that or that he could just start the day over. He sighed as he stepped over the two walker bodies lying on the ground. 

He was hurting. He rubbed at his chest and slumped down against the trunk of a tree, letting his head fall back against the bark. He took deep breaths in an effort to calm himself down, but the ache within him was still there. No matter how hard he rubbed at it the feeling just wouldn't go away and that scared him. 

He had dealt with a lot of pain in his lifetime, physical and emotional, but this seemed different somehow. For starters, he couldn't  _see_ a wound anywhere so it wasn't as if he could doctor himself up. Daryl hadn't ever had chest pain in his life and the fact that he was having it now just didn't sit well with him. It wasn't as if the pain was unbearable - on the contrary, it was more of a dull ache. It was persistent though and that was an annoyance in itself. 

As he wiped the blade of his knife clean on the grass beside his boots he debated on what to do from here. Part of him didn't want to go back to the prison. He knew that if he decided to then he could just leave them all behind and he would be fine. He could make it on his own just fine, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was the people that he would be leaving behind. Despite his best intentions they had grown to mean something more to Daryl. Besides Merle, Daryl hadn't ever had a sense of family before until now. 

As angry and hurt as he was he didn't think that he could just leave without saying a word to anyone. And Rick. Leaving him behind would tear off a piece of Daryl's soul that he hadn't even known was there before. That would hurt worse than any pain he had felt in his life so far. But going back? He wasn't too fond of that idea right now either. So what choice did that leave him?

"Goddammit, Rick," Daryl muttered under his breath. 

He knew what his choice would be even before he climbed to his feet. He hated himself for being so weak, but at the same time he couldn't seem to stop it. He was heading back to the prison, but it wasn't because of Rick. It wasn't.

Deep down he knew that he was only lying to himself. It _was_ because of Rick.

...............

Rick felt his heart skip a beat as he followed T-Dog up the steep incline and into the dimly lit prison. As soon as he stepped foot through the door, he heard Lori's cries of pain mixed with another cry that nearly stopped Rick in his tracks. It was the cry of a newborn and for a moment Rick faltered, his eyes frozen on the doorway that would take him to the cellblock where Lori was. T-Dog glanced at him, torn between urging him forward or making him sit down. Somehow Rick managed to pull his shit together and he nodded at T-Dog before his feet carried him forward again. 

There was chaos inside the cellblock. That much was for certain as Rick watched the group scurry about, each of them on some sort of mission it seemed. He headed towards the cell that belonged to Lori, but stopped as Beth stepped forward, her arms cradling a small baby against her chest. Rick glanced down at the baby and swallowed over the lump that had formed in his throat. He felt like he couldn't breathe as he watched the baby exercise its lungs. 

"It's a girl," Beth said with a soft smile. 

Rick let out a small hysterical noise that bordered between a cry and a laugh as he stared down at the face of the angel in front of him. Lori's cry echoed throughout the cellblock once more and Rick glanced in that direction with worry. Without a word, he leaned down and placed a soft kiss to the baby's forehead, smiling softly as he watched her eyes already begin to flicker closed. 

"I need to..." Rick let his words trail off as he looked toward the sound of Hershel's voice. 

Beth seemed to understand and she nodded, "Go. I've got her."

Rick smiled with relief, patting her shoulder awkwardly as he passed by her. Glenn and Maggie filled the doorway, stopping him from entering inside the cell or being able to get a clear view of what was going on. The two of them exchanged a look with one another, but they didn't step aside to allow Rick entrance. Rick felt like he was on a slippery slope and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't quite regain his footing. 

"What's happening?" His voice was rough and haggard even to his own ears. 

"She lost a little bit of blood," Glenn explained.

" _But,_ Daddy's stitching her up. She's gonna be okay. She's just tired and in pain so it's best to give them a minute," Maggie added.

Rick let out a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair in an agitated gesture. It seemed as if time were going slower than normal as he stood there waiting. He began to pace back and forth in front of the cell, his ears straining to hear Hershel and Carol's soft voices, but not understanding any of their words. The whole cellblock was quiet and at one point Rick looked up and straight into the eyes of Carl. He paused, watching as his son walked the newest addition to their family around the room. Carl only met his eyes briefly before looking away, but it was long enough for Rick to know that his thoughts hadn't changed much. Rick let his shoulders fall forward, feeling as if the weight of the world rested upon them.

A few minutes later Hershel exited the cell, Glenn and Maggie parting to make room for him. Rick took in Hershel's face and noted how tired the older man looked and he wondered exactly how hard of a birth Lori had endured. He remembered Carl hadn't been an easy labor for her so he could only imagine how this one had been. Without a word, Rick followed Hershel into a corner away from the others. He waited with his hands perched onto his hips for Hershel to speak. 

"She's okay. She's resting now and Carol is washing her down some. There was some tearing down below when she delivered the baby, but I've stitched her up so now it's just a matter of waiting," Hershel explained.

"Waiting? Waiting for what?" 

"She's been complaining off and on of headaches and it has me a little concerned about her blood pressure. Hopefully it's nothing and it will pass, but I still want someone awake and watching her tonight at all times."

"But she's okay? She'll live?" Rick pressed.

"Nothing in this world is guaranteed, Rick. We aren't a hospital and I'm not a doctor. Don't forget that. As for right now, at this very moment, she's okay. That's the best that we can ask for given the circumstances." 

"What about the baby? My...our daughter?" He wasn't sure if Hershel knew about Shane, but Rick wasn't likely to ever forget about it no matter how hard he tried. He knew deep down in his soul that the baby wasn't his, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't love her.

"She seems healthy from what I can tell. I think we should send Glenn and Maggie out on a run for formula. She'll need to eat and I'm not sure Lori's milk has come in."

Rick nodded and his eyes strayed to Carol as she appeared in the doorway of Lori's cell. There was blood on her clothing and the sight of it twisted something deep inside of Rick's gut. He smiled at Carol with gratitude as she met his eyes in passing and she offered him a small smile in return. 

"You can see her now if you want," Hershel offered.

Rick shook his head, "No. I...not yet."

"Very well then," Hershel replied as he studied Rick's face before turning around. Rick followed Hershel as he walked over to Carl and spoke briefly with the boy. Carl nodded and said something in return before passing the baby to Beth as he scampered into Lori's cell. Rick felt lost, disconnected from everything as he stood off to the side. Around him the others continued on about their day, leaving him to himself for which he was thankful. 

There was only one person that Rick wanted right then, but at that moment that person was buried somewhere deep within the woods surrounding the prison.  _Unless he left._ Rick's fingers involuntarily curled into his palms at the thought of Daryl not coming back. He knew it was possible...Daryl had no family here even though Rick liked to think of them all as one big family. Daryl's brother might still be out there somewhere and it was possible that Daryl might leave to search him out. If that happened...Rick closed his eyes as pain washed over him. He couldn't think about things like that. He wouldn't think about it. 

"Hershel!" Carl's frightened cry echoed throughout the cell walls and made every hair on Rick's body stand on end. 

Rick raced to the cell door as Hershel came running back through on his heels. As soon as Rick entered and saw Lori's body writhing on the bed, her muscles locked taut, he felt frozen. All around him the others were shouting out various orders, but all he could do was stand there helpless and frozen. Someone pushed on his shoulders until he found himself outside of the cell and only then did he blink slowly to awareness. Carl stood nearby with silent tears streaking down his face and Rick reached out for him. He wanted to comfort his son, needed to feel connected to him again, but Carl pulled away from him. The sting of his actions stabbed Rick over and over again until he was numb. 

It might have been minutes or an hour before the others trickled out of Lori's cell slowly, Rick couldn't tell because time ceased to exist anymore. The cell was deathly quiet and Rick knew without asking as soon as he saw their faces that she was gone. 

Lori was gone. 

And so was Daryl. 

The emotions compounded with the overwhelming sense of defeat hit him all at once like a bag of bricks to the chest. His blood pounded within him so hard that he could no longer hear what anyone was saying to him. Faces floated within reach: Maggie, Hershel, and Carol all reached out to him, but Rick stumbled frantically out of their reach. It was happening. 

His world was falling apart and the one person who could catch him wasn't there. 

" _Nooooo!_ " Rick roared the word so loudly that the baby began to cry again. Pushing people from his path he knew that he had to get out of there before he did something stupid.

Pulling out his knife he entered the tombs and prepared to take out his rage on anything still moving inside. 

...............

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

.............

Something deep inside of Daryl alerted him that something at the prison wasn't right. As Glenn let him into the gate with nothing more than a somber nod, Daryl tried his best to keep his stomach from churning with nervousness. Glenn had that look about him that told him without asking that someone was dead. Deep within his gut Daryl had a feeling that he knew just who that someone was. 

He stood silently by, waiting as patiently as possible as Glenn secured the gate again. They exchanged glances before falling into step together as they climbed the hill towards the large brick building. Automatically Daryl's hand gravitated to his mouth and he began to chew anxiously on his thumb as they walked. Every step that was taken was like a silent stabbing to his gut that threatened to bring him to his knees. One face consistently came to mind over and over again: Rick. 

It always came back to Rick. Daryl had been pissed and hurt by Rick's words...he had been ready to leave the prison, leave everything behind and set out on his own. But he couldn't. He couldn't leave the one good thing to happen to him in all of his forty years of life, he just couldn't. Even if Rick somehow decided that he didn't want Daryl anymore he still couldn't bring himself to leave. Like a moth to a flame he was drawn to the sheriff, loyal to a fault. He knew he would stick around regardless, just to make sure that Rick was okay.

Because that's who Daryl was, who he'd always been. Despite his gruff exterior and aversion to affection, there had always been a softness deep inside of his soul. There was a yearning inside of him, a piece of him that craved affection and acceptance. He was pretty sure he had finally found the place where he could fit in with this group of misfits at the prison. They had slipped underneath his radar, chipped away at his armor, and became the family he had never had before. That meant more to Daryl than anything else that this world could offer him and he would protect that family to his death. 

Daryl entered the cell block behind Glenn, studying the faces of those he passed. His eyes searched for Rick and there was a brief moment of panic that began to set in as he constantly came up empty. Luckily, Carol grabbed onto his arm and tugged him gently away from the others. He could tell immediately that she had been crying and it pained him to see her so upset. She drew him to a corner away from the others and when she finally dragged her eyes up to his they began to well with tears. Instinctively, Daryl found himself reaching for her and he tugged her lithe body to his without a second thought. It was the first time that he had ever initiated this type of contact, but neither of them were in the proper state of mind to fully realize it. 

"The baby?" Daryl's gravelly voice whispered. He hadn't heard a baby crying since he had entered and he feared the worst. It was enough for Rick to lose Lori, but to lose his child as well? Daryl couldn't wrap his mind around that. 

Carol sniffed into the material of his shirt, resting her forehead against his chest as she drew in a ragged breath. He waited her out, giving her what time she needed to pull it all together. Finally, she drew back and wiped at her wet eyes with the back of her hands. 

"The baby is fine. Beth and Carl are caring for her. T-Dog and Maggie went on a run for baby formula as well as other supplies. Lori..." Carol glanced away as she summoned up the strength to continue the conversation. "Lori didn't..." 

"Hey." Daryl touched her on the arm, letting her know that she didn't have to say the words. He had known as soon as he had stepped foot onto the property. Daryl bit down on his lip and asked the question that had been burning on the tip of his tongue since stepping foot inside. "Rick?"

Something in Carol's expression changed. There was still a sadness within her baby blue eyes, but that was now accompanied by something close to fear. It made the hairs on Daryl's arm stand at attention. Seconds seemed like minutes and minutes seemed like hours before Carol spoke again. 

"He took off into the tombs. He wasn't in his right mind, Daryl. You didn't see his face before he left." 

Daryl barely gave her time to finish talking before he spun on his heel and headed in the direction of the tombs. As he walked, he readied his bow, sliding a bolt into place. 

"Daryl!" Carol's voice called out to him from behind, but he didn't stop. He _couldn't_ stop. All he could think about was Rick inside of those tombs and that was enough. Rick needed Daryl, whether he wanted to admit it or not. 

.............

Daryl traced Rick's bloody trail of corpses, his steps slow and purposeful. Several times he stopped to deliver the fatal blow to the head of a walker that Rick had crippled, but hadn't quite finished off. He ran into those more and more the further he descended into the dark depths. It told him everything he needed to know and more. 

Rick was getting tired and as a result his kills were growing sloppy. Daryl needed to find him before he got himself into a situation that he couldn't get out of. Turn after turn, Daryl trailed him, stepping over bodies and eyeing the blood splatters that stained the walls around him. As he turned yet another corner he finally saw him.

The sight of him gave Daryl pause and for several long beats he simply stood there and stared at the man who in no way resembled the Rick that Daryl knew. He was covered in blood and guts, his face splattered with an array of blood, dried and fresh alike. He stood in the middle of the hall, head dropped forward with his chin resting on his chest as his body heaved in deep gulps of air. His right arm dangled by his side, knife clasped tightly within his palm. Daryl listened for the sound of more walkers, but all was quiet. Cautiously he edged around Rick until he was facing him, his sharp eyes taking in the man that stood before him. For a while they stood there silently, Daryl not sure what to say or if Rick was even aware of his presence. 

Finally Rick raised his head, staring straight ahead, but he seemed to be looking right through Daryl as if he wasn't even there. Daryl slowly shifted his crossbow to his back and took a small step forward. 

"Rick." 

Something in Rick's eyes flickered, but other than that it was as if Rick didn't even register his name being called. Sighing softly, Daryl tugged his red rag from his back pocket and held it out to Rick. It dangled between them like a peace offering clasped between Daryl's fingers. Slowly Daryl inched closer until the rag almost brushed Rick's chest. 

"Daryl?" Rick's voice was dry and throaty, like he had wandered a dry desert for days without water. 

"Yeah," Daryl confirmed softly as he reached out and swiped the rag over a streak of blood that smeared Rick's face. 

He realized his mistake all too quickly when Rick roared to life, his hand clamping down onto Daryl's wrist as he barreled into the redneck, forcing him back against the damp walls surrounding them. Daryl grunted as he collided with the wall, his back aching as the crossbow dug into his skin. Rick's hand came up out of nowhere, the knife he had been holding poised to attack. Thinking fast, Daryl threw up his hand and grabbed onto Rick's wrist to stop the onslaught that was sure to follow. Rick's eyes were bottomless pits of black, not an ounce of the man that Daryl knew to be found anywhere within. 

"Rick," Daryl huffed as he fought back against the man. 

Rick was stronger through his anger and Daryl was having a hard time maintaining his grip on him. Rick's eyes flashed and Daryl could feel some of his hostility start to slip away. Another emotion began to take it's place and it took Daryl a minute to figure out what was happening as Rick pinned him farther into the wall.  _Lust._ Rick was aroused. 

Rick dipped his head in close to Daryl's neck, allowing his nose to skim the scruffy skin that sported half a day's growth. Daryl didn't move, but his chest began to constrict as he warred with the emotions within himself. When Rick's tongue darted out to slide slowly up his skin Daryl felt his pants begin to tent with an obvious erection. This was wrong and he knew it. Rick shouldn't be trying to have sex with him when he wasn't emotionally stable, but fuck if Daryl could stop it even though he knew he should. 

Rick rocked his hips into Daryl, his breath blowing out forcefully against his neck. Without a word, Rick's hands slid down the shirt that covered Daryl's chest and began working his jeans open. He needed to stop this before it was too late. Not wanting to touch him for fear of provoking some unseen monster that lurked deep within the depths of his lover's eyes, Daryl opted for speaking instead. 

"Rick...Fu- _Fuck_ ," Daryl's words ended on a moan as Rick shoved his hand into the waist of his jeans and wrapped slender fingers around the base of his cock. 

Rick squeezed the hot flesh, slowly stroking Daryl over and over until he was harder than the brick that surrounded them. Any thoughts that had previously occupied Daryl's mind were pushed to the wayside as Rick continued to jerk him off. Daryl arched his hips further into Rick's hold, grunting his pleasure when Rick's mouth came into contact with his throat. Teeth scraped his skin, biting into him with more force than usual. His whole body ached and he tried to keep himself from spiraling into a hole of pleasure, but he could feel the sensations sucking him into their swirling vortex. His body was feeding off of Rick's anger and intensity, the tension threatening to overwhelm them both. 

Daryl leaned forward for a taste of Rick's lips, his body craving that connection with him, needing to know that things were okay between them. Part of him was still pissed and hurt about the words outside of the prison, but another part of him longed to comfort the man in front of him. Rick was hurting too and right now Daryl knew that Rick's hurt trumped his twofold.

Before Daryl could kiss him, Rick's hands fell from his body and fumbled with the zipper of his own jeans. Without so much as a word, Rick grabbed Daryl and turned him around so that he faced the wall. He could feel his whole body humming with tension and numbly he allowed Rick to keep going even though something didn't feel quite right. The feeling of Rick's finger sliding into him had his teeth clenching as a hiss escaped between them. He braced his hands on the wall in front of him as his muscles quivered with nerves and anticipation. 

Nothing about Rick's movements echoed his feelings towards Daryl. There were no soft caresses or whispered words that let Daryl know that Rick was with him. Those things weren't present because Rick wasn't Rick right now even though Daryl desperately wanted him to be. It was this thought that stuck out within his mind even as Rick's touch threatened to drive him to distraction. As much as Daryl wanted Rick he couldn't do this. Nothing about this was right and he knew that he had to put a stop to it. 

Forcing himself away from the wall Daryl whirled around, taking Rick off guard with his abruptness. Rick was so startled by it that he stumbled backward a step, his eyes blinking rapidly as though he were emerging from a fog. Daryl reached down and jerked his pants up, his fingers almost shaking as he worked to zip them back up. He ignored his impossibly hard erection and prayed like hell that it would retreat some before anyone else could see the noticeable tent he was pitching. He was angry, hurt even and he wanted Rick to understand that he wouldn't allow himself to be used like that. He wasn't a punching bag for Rick to take out his frustrations on. 

"Daryl..." Rick's voice was scratchy and filled with such anguish that Daryl winced. "Please...I'm so..." Rick's voice broke and he tipped his head down towards the floor. "I'm sorry."

Daryl's feet moved on their own accord, taking him closer to Rick until he was standing in front of him. He had no clue how to help him, but he wouldn't leave him...not like this. No matter what had happened between them previously, Rick needed him now. 

A sob echoed from the depths of Rick's throat and Daryl reached a hand behind his neck, dragging the other man into him. It was a bit awkward at first, but slowly Rick let his head fall to Daryl's shoulder. His fingers gripped Daryl's shirt like a lifeline anchoring him to the ground. 

"It's okay...I'm here," Daryl whispered. 

.............

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long. Other things got in the way like real life does sometimes. I could go on and on about each and every one, but I know you guys just want to get to the story and frankly known of it really matters. All that matters is that I'm still here and I want to see this through to the end. I'm anticipating one more chapter after this one to wrap everything up then this will be marked complete. If you're still here and reading then just know that I thoroughly appreciate your time and support. Thanks for sticking around and stay tuned for the last installment!

...............

Daryl had to be okay for the both of them. Rick was in no condition to handle anything right now as evidenced by the way he allowed Daryl to lead him out of the tombs and back into his cell. Daryl hadn't stopped to answer any questions from anyone though they had all maintained curious enough stares. Daryl knew why they were staring, but he forced himself not to think too deeply about it. 

Rick had grabbed his hand, clutching it blindly as Daryl had maneuvered them through the twists and turns that would lead them back to the cell block. He hadn't had the heart to pull away from Rick so he had simply laced their fingers together and carried onward. They had still been holding hands when they had entered the cell block and although they caught numerous stares, no one said anything to them and Daryl couldn't help but be grateful for it. He wasn't sure he had it in him to answer any questions right now though he was sure they would come later. Right now his focus was Rick and bringing him back to life. 

Once inside the cell, Daryl let out a sigh of relief before nudging Rick over to the bed to sit. It worried him that Rick had adopted that blank stare once more, any sign of the man he knew gone once again. He wasn't a stranger to grief and he knew that everyone grieved differently. But in his experience, to move past grief and heal you had to first let go of all the emotions building up inside of you. Rick had broken down within the tombs, but now he was silent again and that worried Daryl. Silence could mean any number of things...things that weren't likely positive. 

With a sigh of resignation, Daryl knelt down in front of Rick and removed his shoes. The prison was quiet, any noises that were normally present gone. Daryl knew that they were there, hovering just close enough not to be overbearing, close enough to swoop in and offer support if needed. They respected them both enough not to be a bother and Daryl was grateful to them for that. 

Rick remained stoic and seemingly empty as Daryl worked to undress him. It was only when Daryl unbuttoned his jeans that Rick spoke for the first time in hours. 

"I hurt you." Rick's voice was throaty and raw...vulnerable. He wasn't asking, but stating a fact... one that Daryl couldn't argue with. 

"Yeah."

He sucked in a breath as Rick threaded his fingers through his shaggy locks and cupped him by the back of the neck. At this angle and by applying firm pressure, Rick forced Daryl to meet his gaze. He was immediately sucker-punched in the gut with the amount of raw emotion swimming in the blue depths of his lover's eyes. 

"I'm so sorry, Daryl." 

Daryl flinched and attempted to pull away from the strong grasp, but Rick's grip was strong and purposeful. He didn't want to see these feelings in Rick that he was seeing...not right now. Not when everything around them was so fragile and unsure. Not when he was still trying to figure out how to move past the argument that had occurred between them earlier. He didn't want Rick like this...so out of touch with everything. 

"Don't. You need to rest." 

"No. I need to say this and you need to hear it." 

Daryl was already shaking his head, slowly working his way free of Rick's grasp. There was nothing that needed to be said right this minute. Anything that Rick was about to say could wait. They had been through too much today already. 

"Rick." Daryl's tone was borderline pleading. "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep and th-"

"Will you just shut up and listen for a minute?" Rick pushed to his feet and paced the entirely too small space. The act itself would have been comical had there been even a tiny ounce of humor left within Daryl's body. He wasn't even sure if he was agitated with Rick for not complying and getting his rest or growing aroused from the image that he painted. Shirtless, barefoot, and with jeans unbuttoned to reveal the small tuft of hair that resided therein, made Rick the very image of every one of Daryl's fantasies of late. 

Unfortunately Daryl was a Dixon through and through, and patience was not one of his strong points as evidenced by his sudden climb to his feet. He really just needed Rick to lie down and get some rest so that he could be okay tomorrow. Because if Rick was okay again, then Daryl wouldn't feel so guilty about continuing to be miffed with him. Except before he could try once more to persuade him to bed, Rick had Daryl restrained against the wall in a maneuver that only a cop could pull off. 

"Earlier when we were outside the gates and I said that about you not understanding, I was only acting out of anger...but it was anger towards  _myself,_ not you. You have to understand that what we have between us - I never saw it coming, but in that same aspect I also never want it to leave. I realized something out in those woods earlier. I realized that what I have with you - the loyalty, honesty, and the chemistry - that's what I had always wanted and thought I had with Lori. You mean something to me, Daryl." 

Daryl's pulse was pounding with a ferocity that couldn't be controlled no matter how hard he willed it to slow down. Rick's grip loosened enough that he could get away if he wanted, but he didn't want to. He struggled to put into words what he was feeling as well. 

"You're the first person I want to tell my news to...good  _and_  bad. Out of everyone, you pull highest rank and you have the ability to make me forget myself. Sometimes..." Daryl flushed at his secret, "You make me feel like I can be myself, but better than myself at the same time. But you've got a ki-  _kids_ and I'm not about to come between that. It's not my place. You seen what happened with Carl."

"Don't you see though? You're my best friend...and I'm in  _love_  with you, Daryl. Does the rest of it really matter?" 

Daryl's head fell back against the wall as he sucked in air. "Fuck yes it does, Rick! You lost your wife today. Do you even know what you're saying right now?" 

"I am acutely aware of what I'm saying. I just admitted to being in love with you and you're not even acknowledging it. Lori," Rick swallowed over a sudden lump of emotion in his throat, but forced himself through it. "Lori and I talked...about this - you and me. I might have lost her today, but I gained something else. She wanted me happy, Daryl...she gave me her blessing. Please..." Rick let his head fall forward so that their foreheads touched, his eyes wounded and bleeding raw emotion. "Please forgive me."

Daryl's head spun, but the words came in loud and clear like nothing ever had before. He couldn't safely formulate the words so instead he surged forward, sweeping Rick into a kiss that threatened to drown them both. Rick's arms hit the the wall on either side of him, caging him in as they lost themselves in each other. The semi-permanent lump in Daryl's throat kept him from articulating his thoughts out loud so he poured those very thoughts within him into that kiss.

He slowly pushed Rick over to the bunk, extinguishing the light of the lantern as he went so that they were enveloped in darkness. He tugged on Rick's jeans until he had him completely naked and panting before him. His hands found his hardness in the dark and he wrapped his fingers around the length, stroking him until Rick dug his fingers into his side. 

"Mouth...I need your mouth. Now." Rick's voice was firm, but Daryl could tell that he was on edge.

"Shut up," Daryl whispered as he let his lips graze over the surface of Rick's cock. "I think I can find my way around by now."

"Oh yeah?" 

Daryl took him deep without warning, savoring the saltiness of him, tracing each vein and ridge with his tongue. Rick arched his body, sending him so deeply into Daryl's throat that he almost gagged, but he didn't stop. 

"Fuck... _fuck_  yeah," Rick panted. "Don't stop."

Daryl knew he was close...he could tell by the way that Rick began to move and the noises that escaped his mouth.  Using his free hand, he slid it down and teased Rick's ass, searching for that magic place within. He knew the moment that he found it when Rick's whole body tensed and Daryl knew he was about to cum. He pulled back and Rick grasped at his shoulders, desperately trying to get him back. Daryl wasn't ready for Rick to cum yet though because he had other plans. 

"Daryl..." 

Daryl ignored his name as it fell from Rick's lips pleadingly. He pushed Rick back onto the bunk, shoving his shirt up and over his head as he did so. Bending down he trailed his tongue over one of Rick's nipples, sucking it into his mouth and then nipping it with his teeth. Rick arched his hips, rocking his groin into Daryl to try and get some much needed friction. 

They had never taken things this slowly before, never taken the time to really explore each other, but tonight Daryl wanted to go slow with Rick. After hearing Rick say that he loved him this was the only way Daryl knew how to show his own affections in return. He wanted to make this good...to make Rick feel as good as Rick made him feel. 

Daryl shucked off his shirt and straddled Rick's chest, rocking into him slowly. Rick groaned and his fingers found the button of Daryl's pants. He freed Daryl's cock and lifted his head to suck the heated flesh into his mouth. Daryl's breath hissed through his teeth and he fell forward, bracing his hands against the wall to catch himself. Rick's hands held him steady as he let his tongue trail over Daryl's slit and down his shaft over and over again. 

Daryl grit his teeth together as his eyes began to shut and his pleasure multiplied. Using every ounce of self-control that he could muster, he pushed away from Rick and moved down his body once more, biting at his flesh as he went. He worked himself between Rick's thighs and engulfed his cock as he simultaneously slid one finger into him. Rick's whole body rocked upwards and he cursed vehemently under his breath, but he was too far gone to do anything more. 

"Wait-," Rick panted, "Don't wanna cum like that..."

Daryl lifted his head and they locked eyes, both sets of eyes dark with unbridled lust and pleasure. "What do you want?" Daryl asked.

"Ride me. I want to see you." 

Daryl hesitated, his body unsure for a moment. Rick's eyes were pleading with him, but they hadn't ever done it that way and Daryl wasn't sure about it. But then he remembered Rick's confession and he thought about how much Rick needed him...how much  _he_  needed Rick. He knew in that moment that he would do anything for this man without question. Nodding his head, he climbed over Rick and straddled him once more, leaning over to kiss him. Rick's fingers trailed to his ass and he began to work one finger inside of him slowly. He took his time getting Daryl adjusted to one before he slowly added another, stretching him open. Daryl groaned softly, but deeply as he rocked backward onto Rick's fingers urging them deeper. Rick repeated the process over and over only withdrawing his fingers once he had Daryl relaxed and open. Lifting his hips, Rick guided his cock inside of Daryl past the tight ring of muscle and pushing slowly until he was fully sheathed within him. 

They remained that way for several moments giving them both time to adjust and then they began to move. Their movements started slow and gentle, much like the present mood around them. In the darkness they were surrounded by the silence, the only sounds being their heavy breathing as they moved, using each other to find their pleasure. The rhythm began to slowly change as their lust overtook them and they were soon moving against each other with a frenzy that couldn't be ignored. 

Being with Rick in this way, controlling the way that he accepted him inside of his body, was new to Daryl. It felt like nothing he had ever experienced in all of his life. As he rocked himself back down onto Rick's shaft harder, teeth biting down onto his bottom lip, he could feel the sensations building to a crescendo within him. Beneath him, Rick groaned softly as he tried to keep the noise to a minimum, but at Daryl was past the point of caring at this moment. Everything he had never realized he wanted was right beneath him...all hard planes of muscle surrounding a soft edged heart. 

"Gonna cum," Rick panted, his words shaking Daryl of his thoughts. He thrust his hips upward and Daryl sucked in a sharp breath.

"Don't...need a...warning...just fuckin' do it," Daryl ground out hoarsely.

" _Fuck_... _you_ ," Rick sputtered the words at the same time that his body locked tight, his muscled thighs nearly quivering as he tipped over the threshold into the realm of the great beyond. 

Daryl barely had time to smirk at the barely uttered words as he followed suit, his body seizing up entirely as he spilled his cum all over Rick's chest, his cock jerking with the effort. With a groan, he lifted his body up and rolled to the side of the cot next to Rick, their thick frames not affording them much room at all. 

"I should clean this up," Rick muttered with a yawn. 

Daryl merely grunted, his eyelids weighing heavily over his eyes, lashes dragging against his cheeks as he fought to keep his eyes open. The emotions and events of the day were finally catching up to him and they were taking a toll on his ability to stay awake. He knew he should stay alert and tend to Rick, but the energy just wasn't there. He felt the warmth of Rick's breath as he rolled onto his side, tugging a scratchy blanket up and over them both like a cocoon. There was the briefest brush of Rick's lips against his and he felt his the corners of his lips curve upwards slightly in response. He opened his eyes, just barely able to make out Rick's face and the fact that he seemed to have already slipped into the cycle of sleep, his breath escaping him evenly. The words hit him so naturally that he could barely contain them from spilling from his lips neither did he want to. 

 "Love you."

......


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are folks. The last chapter of Surrender. I kind of hate to end it...It's bittersweet! When I started this story, I never intended on it going this far and I honestly didn't know where it would end. I just started typing and it just happened. I fell in love with it along the way and it became like my baby. I love this story so much and I'm immensely proud of it. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you so very much for your awesome support. I'm humbled by it all.

.................

The saying is that you don't really know what you got until it's gone. 

No truer words had ever been spoken that described Rick Grimes' life such as it was at the moment. He felt lost in a tornado of emotions, swept out to sea without a raft. His one and only saving grace lay next to him, breathing softly under the haze of sleep. 

And he loved him. 

Call him crazy, but Rick was pretty damn sure he hadn't been hallucinating when he had heard Daryl utter those words. They couldn't have come at a better time either. With Lori gone, a baby that wasn't his, and a son that hated his very guts, life wasn't looking its best right now. But Daryl loved him.

And that had to be enough. 

Only it wasn't. Rick scrubbed a heavy palm over his face, trying not to wake Daryl as he did so. As soon as the others started to move around, Rick needed to clean himself up and go find Carl. There were things that he needed to explain to his son and he hoped like hell that he could get him to listen. 

"Mornin'."

Rick turned his head to the gravelly voice that sounded next to him meeting Daryl's deep blue eyes that were still sleep heavy. He mustered up as much of a smile as he could, but he remained silent, just enjoying the moment. It was times like this that Rick could forget about all of his problems and just feel what life might be like if he and Daryl were together in a normal world. How nice it would be to just wake up next to someone he loved and not have to worry about who had watch or if they had enough supplies to last them another week. He had been doing these things for so long that he probably wouldn't even know how to function in a normal setting anymore if one such existed. 

"How you feelin'?" 

"I'm..." Rick mulled the question over in his mind. "...I'm alright."

Daryl nodded, both of them understanding that that was about the best that they could expect given the circumstances. "What's on the agenda today?" 

"Gotta talk to Carl...set things straight." Rick drew in a deep breath and released it slowly. 

"Do you need me there?" 

The question caught Rick off guard and he locked eyes with Daryl, studying him with intent. It was unusual for Daryl to offer something like that and it was definitely the last thing that Rick would have ever thought him to ask. But at the same time, it was exactly what he had needed to hear. 

Daryl loved him and he was trying. 

The thought made Rick love the man lying next to him even more. He wanted to tug him close and kiss the very breath from his lungs. Afterwards, he would do things to Daryl just to hear the way he moaned with pleasure from Rick's touch. It was a delicious fantasy, but unfortunately it wasn't to be. It wasn't the time nor place for that...not when others would be hanging nearby waiting to check up on him. 

"I think I need to battle this one on my own...but thank you for offering. You have no idea what that means to me," Rick replied.

Daryl shrugged, but Rick detected a faint tinge of pink staining his cheeks. He pushed himself up so that he was sitting on the edge of the cot, the thin sheet covering them wrapped haphazardly around his waist. 

"Guess I'll get dressed an' do my rounds. You know where to find me if you need me."

"Yeah." He would always need Daryl. Always.

Carl would just have to understand that. 

..................

 It was starting to drive him nuts. 

Daryl stood near the fences after having done his rounds and surveyed the two walkers that ambled around outside of their perimeter. Normally he would have taken care of them by now, but they were moving slower than normal and weren't even touching the fence so he figured they posed zero threat such as it was. He would let them roam a little longer just for the simple fact that he didn't feel like wasting an arrow. 

Not only that, but his mind was on other things. Like how not one person in their group had said a thing about what had happened yesterday. It was safe to assume that they all knew by now that something more was going on between himself and Rick than simple friendship, but yet they hadn't so much as uttered one word to that effect. It made him somewhat nervous...put him on the edge as he waited for it - the judgement that was sure to come. 

He didn't know why they were prolonging it or why not one person had given him an odd look. Why couldn't they just say whatever shit was surely on their mind and get it over with? He didn't like this waiting around for it. Especially since he had no one to really talk to about it since Rick was off with Carl. 

Deep down it made Daryl a little jealous that Rick had part of his family still with him, regardless of whether or not they were supportive or not. Daryl yearned to have that and for the first time he actually felt alone. And he didn't like it. Being alone had never bothered him before. He had craved that time alone actually, needed it to maintain his sanity, but now? He had grown so used to the others being around that being alone wasn't as satisfying as it used to be. He was changing and he realized it. 

He heard the soft footsteps before he heard the voice that followed. "Hey you."

Daryl turned his head just slightly, catching Carol's smile as she came to a stop next to him. He nodded his head at her in his usual way of greeting and turned his attention back to the fences. He was delaying the inevitable he knew, but he didn't know how to broach the subject. He was pretty sure out of everyone that Carol had already suspected something to be going on between he and Rick anyhow. 

"Wanna talk about it?" She rested her hand on his arm and Daryl glanced down at it with a soft sigh and a shrug of his shoulders. She nodded as if she expected as much from him and for some reason that bothered him. Had he not changed as much as he had previously thought? "Well if you change your mind, you know where to find me," she offered as her hand slid away. He grit his teeth together as she turned to leave. She made it three steps before Daryl couldn't take it anymore. 

"Why?" 

She paused and slowly turned back around to stare at him. "Why what?" 

He licked his persistently dry lips and crossed his arms over his chest. This was it. "Why hasn't anyone said anything to me yet? They think I got some kinda disease or somethin'?" 

"Of course not. We're just trying to give you and Rick your space. No one thinks of you both any differently."

Christ, this was hard. "So they all know then?" He braced himself for her words, constantly waiting for the fatal blow to come. 

Carol walked the few steps back to him, her blue eyes soft and filled with concern. "I think...I think that we all had our suspicions a while back, but yesterday pretty much confirmed it." Her eyes searched his own. "Do you love him?"

Daryl sucked in a breath. Jesus, she went from zero to sixty without a stop in between. He thought about brushing the comment off, doing it the way that most would come to expect from him because it was simply a 'Daryl' thing to do. But he didn't want to do things like that anymore. He wouldn't change completely, but he could learn to adapt to things a little differently. Besides, this was Carol and he trusted her the most next to Rick. 

"Yeah...I do."

Her eyes softened at his admission and she squeezed his arm in a gesture of comfort that he found strangely soothing. "Oh, Daryl. I'm so happy for you."

He felt an immeasurable amount of relief overwhelm him and some of the tension in his shoulders went away. "Yeah?"

She nodded and for the first time he noticed the tears rimming her eyes. "No one is judging you for finding your happiness with Rick. The world is a harsh place now and we should all be so lucky to find some happiness. It's quite obvious when you two are together that there's something more there."

There was a  _lot_ more there. He did love Rick and he knew that he would die for Rick if necessary. But, Christ, was she crying? He could handle a lot of things, but a crying female? Let's not add that to the list of seeing how much Daryl could take before breaking. No thanks. 

"Why you cryin'? Christ, please don't. Makes me feel like I done somethin' wrong." 

"I'm sorry. I'm just happy," she explained.

"If you're so damn happy though, then why you cryin'?" 

Carol laughed as she dabbed at the wetness streaking her cheeks. "Happy tears. I promise."

"Jesus," Daryl muttered. "I need a drink."

Carol smiled and grabbed his arm, tugging him into step with her. "Come on, let's go inside. I'll buy you a drink."

Well that was about the best offer he'd had all day.

............

Someone must have told Carl that Rick was looking for him. Normally his son wasn't all that hard to find, but it took Rick nearly half an hour to locate him. By that time, his nerves were more than a little frazzled and he had gone over in his head a thousand times what he wanted to say and how. Still, he wasn't prepared. 

When he finally located Carl in the boiler room he thought he had this whole speech planned. Yet as soon as Carl's eyes locked with his, all coherent thought fled his mind and he was left with nothing. He simply stood there staring at his son and waiting for inspiration to strike. Why was this so hard? He was the parent here and Carl was his  _son_. Except Carl was a lot more mature for his age at this point and he had a lot of duties that normally wouldn't be appropriate for someone his age. Carl was becoming his own person and where did that leave Rick? If Carl didn't want to listen to him then Rick had no way to make him. He felt powerless.

"Hey," Rick offered as he stepped slowly into the room, his eyes never leaving his son. 

Carl looked up from whatever he was working on, his eyes sweeping over Rick, but avoiding eye contact like the plague. At first he thought that he wasn't going to get a response, but then Carl finally spoke. "What?" 

Well, that wasn't what he had hoped for, but it was a start. Rick ran a shaky hand through his hair and balanced both hands on his hips as he blew out a breath. Might as well just jump right in and get it over with. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. 

"When you were born...I was scared shitless," Rick began. Carl's eyes jumped to his in surprise, clearly not expecting this turn in conversation. "I thought for sure I was going to fail at being a dad. Don't get me wrong - I was ready for you, but I wasn't really  _prepared_ if that makes sense. Your mom-" Rick swallowed through the lump in his throat that rose when mentioning Lori. "-she read all these books on parenting," Rick smiled at the memory. "We would sit out on the front porch in one of the rockers, her feet in my lap and she would read different things to me while I rubbed her feet. I tried to take in as much as possible and I really learned a lot...But no book can ever really prepare you for having a child. It's just one of those things in life that requires first-hand experience and no book can ever give you that. You can use it as a reference, refer back to different topics like your mom and I did for a while afterwards, but most things you just learn by trial and error."

"I don't get it. Why are you telling me this?" 

Rick sighed and walked over next to Carl, propping one hand up on the workbench that he was standing beside. "I'm telling you this because I want you to understand that I'm not doing this to hurt you. I didn't intend on things getting the way that they did between your mother and I, but life is like that sometimes. No matter how much you plan and prepare, you're never going to be fully prepared. I didn't intend on feeling the way that I did about Daryl, but I can't change it nor do I want to. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm trying hard here, Carl. There's no book for me to refer to and I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be a section on explaining to your son that you're in love with a man anyway."

Carl averted his eyes, his voice soft, "You love him?"

There was no sense in beating around the bush at this point. "Yes. I love Daryl."

"Why?" The anguish in Carl's voice nearly broke his heart. "What about Mom? Why couldn't you just love her?" 

Fuck me, this was hard. "I did." He cleared his throat and winced at the rawness of his tone of voice. "I  _do_ love your mom. I'll always love your mom. Sometimes, things happen in life that are beyond our control, son. It's my fault for never talking to you about love and loving someone of the same sex. It's not something you turn on and off and it's not a phase. It's real and it happens more than you know. If you ever-"

"No. Ew," Carl cut him off, his face scrunched. 

Rick allowed himself a tiny chuckle and hesitantly placed his hand upon Carl's shoulder. He didn't shake it off or pull away and Rick silently sent up a word of thanks. "Alright. I'll take that as a negative. I just want you to keep in mind that when you do decide to fall in love - whether it be a man  _or_ a woman, that I'll be here for you no matter what. You're my son and you'll always be my son. Who you love doesn't change that fact. Just like it doesn't change the fact that I'm still your dad. Nothing else has changed, Carl. I'm still me."

Carl released a deep breath and appeared to mull his words over. "But you're gonna like, kiss him and stuff. I'm not sure I can handle that," he admitted. 

Rick nodded in understanding. "Okay. Absolutely. I can understand that. I never meant for you to walk in on us that morning, Carl. That wasn't how I wanted you to find out. And you don't have to see anything you don't want to see. Daryl and I are still figuring out a lot of this ourselves."

"What about mom?"

"I talked to your mom before she died." Carl's head snapped up at that admission, his attention riveted to Rick. "I wanted her to talk to her, to clear the air between us. I didn't like fighting with your mother, but sometimes I couldn't help the inevitable. She surprised me though because she already knew. She knew I had feelings for Daryl. She wanted me to hold off on telling you because she thought that you were still too young to understand, but I know now that you aren't. You're mature way beyond your years, son."

"And what did mom say about it?"

"She wanted me to be happy and she saw that Daryl made me happy. We talked through some things and made peace between us the best we knew how. I only hope that one day you can see how much this means to me and accept that Daryl makes me happy." Rick took a breath, fighting against his voice that was near breaking. He didn't want to fall apart right now in front of his son. 

"I just need time," Carl responded. 

Rick squeezed his shoulder. "I miss you, son." His voice cracked at the end and he turned to leave. 

"I miss you too, Dad." Carl's reply was soft, but Rick's ears picked it up and he paused mid-stride and let the words soak into his skin. God, they felt good. The weight on his shoulders let loose and he nearly fell forward with relief. He was barely keeping it together.

"Thank you," he whispered.

..............

"So, how did it go?" Daryl asked cautiously as Rick entered the guard shack later that evening. 

Rick sighed as he plopped down next to him, pushing his long legs over the edge so that they swung back and forth like Daryl's. He had taken some time to himself earlier, walking around and just thinking about things. He was coming to terms with the fact that Carl hadn't fully come around to his relationship, but they had taken the first steps in that direction. It was the best that he could ask for given the circumstances. At least Carl didn't hate his guts so that was something.

"It went better than I expected. It's not like it was, but it was step in the right direction I think." 

"That's good. Real good," Daryl commented. He picked at his nails for a few minutes and they were both quiet. "You talked to any of the others?"

He hadn't talked to anyone except Carl. "No. You?" 

Daryl shrugged. "Talked to Carol. Been kinda avoidin' the others. She said they all kinda knew already...about us, I mean. Said they weren't judgin' us for it."

Rick blew out a breath and gripped the metal bar in front of him. "Good...that's good." 

"Yeah."

"Why does this feel so awkward right now?" 

"Dunno."

Rick chuckled and leaned back on his hands, his shoulder rubbing against Daryl's. Touching Daryl had a way of keeping him grounded and he suspected the other man felt close to the same way. "This feels so... _normal_." 

Daryl paused and then a smile broke across his face. "Does, don't it? Makes you wonder though."

"About what?" 

"About what's gonna happen to bring us back down to reality. Nothin' good lasts around here."

Rick frowned. He supposed that Daryl had a point, but he didn't entirely agree with that statement. "If you think that then you don't have high hopes for us."

"Ain't what I said," Daryl argued.

"I know, but that's the way it sounded."

"You're a stubborn ass, you know that?" Daryl smirked.

"Sounds familiar."

Daryl laughed, the rich tone of his voice sending delicious chills down Rick's spine. When Daryl's gripped the front of his shirt and yanked him close, Rick didn't object at all. He gladly surged forward, staking his claim on the lips before him. The kiss was soft, yet demanding and full of promise for later. It was about making a statement, an act of surrender. When they pulled apart, it was only natural for their foreheads to come together, resting against one another as they regained their breath. 

"I don't ever want to lose you," Daryl whispered. 

"You won't," Rick promised. "As long as I'm breathin', then this is where I'll be."

"Promise?" 

"Always."

.................


End file.
